What the deal is

I was watching Ahnold in Raw Deal this afternoon. In it, his wife gets drunk, upset, and bitchy, and throws a birthday cake at his head. Ahnold responds, "You shouldn't drink and bake." Suffice to say Raw Deal has been overlooked by many Schwarzeneggar fans. Gangster. Anyway, I decided to celebrate my free night at home by going to the liquor store and purchasing the cheapest, largest bottle of scotch available. Dewar's White label it is; ugh. Beggars can't be choosers though, as I'm told. Once I'm super rich, I'll never talk to any of you again be able to purchase much more expensive and desirable alcohol. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these drunken and superfluous rantings. One thing I can tell you is that I'm working on a brand new song. This is a Corleone exclusive and not a Bastard Sons collabo, not surprisingly. Unlike previous "promises" it seems this track's actually coming into fruition. Stay tuned.

And that's pretty much it. This very well might be my lamest post; perhaps my level of intoxication isn't befitting of my audience. Perhaps you're not drunk enough to comprehend the genius of these musings. Regardless, make sure to offer big ups and congratulations to my main homegirl VLo , who had the audacity and bravery to abstain from alcohol for 50 days. Sweet Jebus -- I literally shook as I typed that!

Check it: http://50dayssober.blogspot.com/

On Death

Let me start off by disclaiming this is not a morbid post. I've just been thinking a lot about death and a possible afterlife lately, and wanted to share some thoughts. I'm definitely an atheist -- intellectually, it's simply too difficult for me to reconcile any sort of set religious dogma in my mind. But that begs the question of what happens to you when you die. Unfortunately, most of my prognostications are still grounded in the same religious ideas we've been beaten to death with for 2,000 years. I.E. if there is no heaven, then what? Does your body return to the earth and get recycled, in keeping with the laws of energy conservation? It seems more likely than a set "heaven", but this is one of the main tenets of Buddhism. My gut reaction is that simply nothing happens; there is no hereafter. Perhaps I lack the proper imagination to come up with a better answer.

Not having the answer is perhaps the main challenge of atheism. Believers choose to find fault in this, while non-believers embrace ambiguity as they rebel against a set need for understanding. No matter which school of thought you adhere to, the most overlooked piece of information, in my mind, is how people feel about death itself. Everyone seems to want to jump ahead, leaving the traumatic event of their own death to family and friends. But how do you feel about your own imminent demise? Surely, most are not indifferent towards such a calamitous event.

The obvious answer is that people don't want to die. This is clear, but it simplifies and evades my point. Here is an abstract thought almost no one bothers to consider. Beyond worrying about a time line for one's own life, again, how does it make you feel? Personally, I worry about more trivial matters as pertained to my demise. For instance, what if I die while following a favorite sports team during a promising season? Perhaps there's a film I've been long awaiting release in theaters. How awful would it be to expire before the end of the season of my favorite television show? These are the things I think about. Personal relationships don't really enter into the equation, at least at this point in my life. Does that make me cold or abnormal? I guess it's open to deliberation. I'm just saying we might as well have the balls to tackle the discussion head-on.

Jesus Is My Friend

Can I Live? A Year of Gulliness, Crotchety Viewpoints and Scheisse Videos

It's hard to believe, but a year has passed since the inception of this website. There's been plenty of gulliness and crotchety viewpoints, yet no scheisse videos thus far. For the same token, in my first post I hinted that a list of my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." For those who don't follow my site on the regular, this list never occurred. It's disappointing, yet a fully representative microcosm of my life. Those who know me best will certainly get a kick out of this. Surely, spite will have nothing to do with that sentiment. What I have managed to do in the last 365 days is get a head start on drinking myself to death in a wholly earnest bout to throw my life away. So, you know, at least something's been accomplished.

On a positive note, one year ago I expressed my disdain for a certain obnoxious acronym, and vowed never to type it on this forum. Not only have I succeeded in going a whole year without typing it, I've abstained from even laughing out loud in my daily travails, lest I fail in my quest on some convoluted technicality. There's been no rolling on the floor laughing. Not once have I been accused of laughing my ass off. Under no circumstance have I laughed so hard my belly hurt. Take that, Generation Y.

Entering my second year trying to e-live, I anticipate a continued effort to make as little effort as possible. For you, my reader(s), I'll make little to no effort, whatsoever. That's how much I care. You can expect that my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." Additionally, in the upcoming months I'm planning informational posts ranging from my hatred of babies to how to get away with murder. If there's anything you feel is missing from this site, or any additional content you'd like to suggest, please do so in the comments section. I'll be sure to get to it promptly, along with all the other things I have planned*. Thank you for visiting Can I live?, and here's to another year of living.

* Not really

Patrick Chewing

I can't stop watching...I've been giggling like a little girl for the last five minutes.

The Expendables

"A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator." Sounds like a decent enough plot for a movie, right? But wait, it's being written and directed by Sylvester Stallone. Makes it a bit more promising, I'd say. Hold the phone, now...wait till you fruits get a load of the cast. Sylvester Stallone. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Mickey Rourke. Dolph Lundgren. Jet Li. Forrest Whitaker. Danny Trejo. Jason Statham. Eric Roberts. That's right, it's gonna be 90+ minutes of R-rated, ass-kicking fury! Can you believe this cast?!? Sly and Arnold together? Check! Rocky and Ivan Drago reunion? Check! The triumphant return of '80s action movie badassery? CHECK! I'm so fucking excited!!! 2010 can't come soon enough!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/

Worrisome News

I think it's somewhat normal for one to freak out about their drinking habits from time to time. Most of us do at least a modicum of partying, right? I posit that part of the psychosis of the situation lies in one's inherent nature of...oh fuck it, who am I kidding? I'm drunk as shit. There's no reasoning to be had here, and that's the worrisome news. I cracked a 90 proof bottle of bourbon at roughly 10pm and have been drinking steadily ever since. Slowly, true, but I feel the volume is warranted, and now the bottle is gone. This particular point is at the very crux of the matter -- I'm not nearly as intoxicated as I should be. It's been several hours of hard liquor intake. I should be toasted, yet here I am at nearly 8am readying a coherent thought. It's almost blasphemous. I'm not sure what to make of this. Oh well, fuck it...wish I could be humorous, insightful, poignant or whatever it is my reader(s) look for from this blog. But I can't. That's worrisome.