Goodbye, Cruel World

No, I'm not going to kill myself.  But if the Mayans were correct (and how could they not be?) the world is going to end in approximately four hours.  See, there are those that believe the end of the 13th baktun  of the Mayan calendar will occur at precisely 11:11 GMT, or 6:11am EST.  I've read a lot of interesting literature on this subject over the years, and the most important thing to note is that this calendar does not actually mark the end of the world, but rather, the end of an era.  If one were to dig beyond the doom and gloom scenarios (as interesting as they are) it would be revealed that baktun simply means "cycle."  So, that's it.  We're not actually going to perish.  Most of you on the east coast will wake up in the morning to the beginning of the Mayans' 14th cycle, have your coffee and go off to your mundane jobs.  And of course, if this is all wrong and we do actually die then cheers to me for avoiding the rat race like the rest of you schmucks for this long.  Either way I win.  Advantage Capps!!!

Top 75 Songs of 2009

In breaking with the top cd's of the year theme from the previous two years, I've opted for something a bit more ambitious. For 2009, I'm going to instead take you muddatrucks through this year's top 75 songs. The project was originally planned as a top 50, but I got stuck in no man's land between 75 and 100 and decided to cut back rather than add crappier songs to get to the century mark. And yes, I realize it's been something like half a year since I blessed you fruits with a post on my own site, but I have good reason: laziness. I also enjoy making lists. So there. Check out last year's list (posted 1/6/09) and the one from the year prior (posted 4/8/08) for reference. Aside from that, there's no further posturing necessary. The only thing I'll say is that this list is not subjective. It represents nothing short of pure fact. Like Maddox says, if you disagree with anything you read here (or elsewhere on Can I Live?, for that matter), you are wrong. Without further ado, your top 75 songs of 2009:

75. RJD2 - The Move (ft. Tage)
74. Wale - Pot of Gold (ft. Daniel Merriweather)
73. Eminem - Crack A Bottle (ft. Dr. Dre & 50 Cent)
72. Camp Lo - Ticket 4 2
71. Erin Bode - Skating
70. DJ JS-1 - Ridiculous (ft. OC & Pharoahe Monch)
69. Incubus - Anything
68. Snoop Dogg - Fallin Asleep On Death Row
67. Glee Cast - Poison
66. MF Doom - Ballskin
65. Royce Da 5'9" - New Money
64. Saigon - The Rules
63. Raekwon - Fearless Ninjas (ft. Ghostface)
62. Eminem - Old Times Sake (ft. Dr. Dre)
61. Tanya Morgan - She's Gone aka Without You (ft. Phonte & Brittany Bosco)
60. Sondre Lerche - I Guess It's Gonna Rain Today
59. Mac Demy - Right Now (ft. Corleone)
58. Camp Lo - Son of A
57. Wale - Beast
56. Mos Def - Supermagic
55. J Dilla - Fire Wood Drumstix (ft. MF Doom)
54. Glee Cast - No Air
53. Ghostface - Goner (ft. Lloyd)
52. Blaq Poet - Ain't Nuttin Changed
51. Incubus - Martini
50. Eminem - Taking My Ball
49. Blackroc - Stay Off the Fuckin Flowers (ft. Raekwon)
48. Methodman & Redman - City Lights (ft. Bun B)
47. Snoop Dogg - Doggystyle (ft. George Clinton & Jewell)
46. Reflection Eternal - Back Again
45. Royce Da 5'9" - Freestyle w/ Busta Rhymes
44. Blu - Melo
43. Camp Lo - Gotcha (ft. Tyler Woods)
42. Souls of Mischief - Tour Stories
41. Rick Ross - Maybach Music 2 (ft. Kanye West, T-Pain, & Lil Wayne)
40. Q-Tip - Renaissance Rap (ft. Busta Rhymes, Raekwon, & Lil Wayne)
39. Raekwon - We Gettin Knots (ft. Fat Joe & Big Pun)
38. Guilty Simpson - My Time To Shine
37. M.O.P. - Rude Bastard
36. Saigon - My Crew
35. Eminem - Same Song & Dance
34. Tanya Morgan - So Damn Down
33. Glee Cast - Smile (Lilly Allen version)
32. Ghostface - Guest House (ft. Fabolous)
31. Camp Lo - Black Connect 3)
30. Incubus - Midnight Swim
29. Nipsey Hussle - Hussle In The House
28. Wale - 5 Minutes (ft. Skyzoo)
27. MF Doom - Gazzillion Ear
26. Foo Fighters - Wheels
25. Tokimonsta - Tweet Call Me (remix)
24. Lil Wayne - Run This Town Freestyle
23. Incubus - Let's Go Crazy
22. Atmosphere - Millie Fell Off the Fire Escape
21. Busta Rhymes - Director's Cut (ft. Uncle Murda)
20. Method Man & Redman - Dis Iz 4 All My Smokers
19. Mos Def - Auditorium (ft. Slick Rick)
18. Wale - Say It Again (ft. Royce Da 5'9")
17. Raekwon - New Wu (ft. Ghostface & Method Man)
16. Ghostface - Paragraphs of Love (ft. Vaughn Anthony & Estelle)
15. Asher Roth - Lark On My Go Kart
14. Tanya Morgan - Morgan Blu (ft. Blu)
13. Jay-Z - Thank You
12. Glee Cast - Hate On Me
11. Kanye West - Champion (Nick Catchdubs remix)
10. Saigon - Goodbye
09. Raekwon - Gihad
08. Jay Electronica - Dealing
07. Method Man & Redman - A-Yo (ft. Saukretes)
06. Mos Def - History (ft. Talib Kweli)
05. Ghostface - Baby (ft. Raheem "Radio" DeVaughn)
04. Royce Da 5'9" - Dinner Time (ft. Busta Rhymes)
03. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia
02. Glee Cast - I Wanna Sex You Up
01. Jay Electronica - Exhibit C

The Wreckoning

It's not a typo, asshole. I'm trying to be deep. Just go with it. I haven't done this in awhile, which is an understatement, I realize. Shit, since I rejoined society about three months ago I haven't done anything in awhile...except work. No need to qualify your snicker with a comment -- I know how absurd it sounds. I guess the main reason for my lack of postage can be summed up by the simple fact that I can only write when I'm drunk in the middle of the night, and I haven't been drunk in the middle of the night in quite some time. In short, the two-headed monster known as reality and responsibility is killing Drunken Capps.

Drunken Capps now survives only in short spurts of excellence these days. I was "keeping it real" by drinking every night straight through the first six weeks of this new job. After awhile though, I found myself placing a premium on being in bed before 11 o'clock. Without realizing it, I'd become just like all the people I railed against during my 21-month hiatus from the world. You'd think this realization would've freaked me the fuck out, because conforming is not even something I'd realized I was doing as it happened. My new mindset snuck up on me completely out of the blue. What stuck with me after the initial shock is how comfortable I was with the whole thing.

Is this what getting older means? I find myself -- gulp -- trying to get ahead. It's something I think about now. The other day I got all excited because my boss told me I was doing a better job than expected and as such would be giving me extra responsibility earlier than the company's timetable called for. The fuck? Who am I and what have I done with Drunken Capps?

On a side note, I made an interesting find relating to the human psyche the other day. The necessary background info is that I have a management position at a sales and marketing company which calls for almost no clerical work. However, about once every two weeks I need to spend a half an hour making copies of shit I need to give to my employees. A couple days ago I was in front of the copier and and I noticed I had an erection. Then I realized I had an erection every time I was in front of the copier. At first I was at a loss as to why this was, but then I realized it's because when I was 18 I had a temp job where I spent most of my days making copies next to some thirty-something woman I found extremely attractive. At such a tender age, this woman must have really left an impression on me, because as soon as I made the connection in my mind the other day it became instantly apparent that there could be no other explanation for the phenomenon. Ten years later and I still have this knee jerk physiological reaction. I dunno, I found it interesting.

Anyway...wow lemme take a step back from this nonsense for a second. I am goddamn drunk right now! It always happens this way...I decide to keep it chill with a night in, which invariably leads to a fucking alcoholic waterfall by the time I decide to blog for you fruits. In fact, I'd venture to say I get less drunk when I'm out in public. I should just always go out rather than stay in. It'd save me the hangover and requisite liver damage. If you thought these posts were pre-arranged you're kidding yourself. We're flying by the seat of our pants, baby! I hope you appreciate it.

OK, let's wrap this up. I just read this whole thing over and it's a fucking mess. Am I always this bad or can I claim cobwebs? Hopefully it's the wear of not posting for a long while. Regardless: something prescient about Drunken Capps being related to general responsibility and how it justifies the "clever" title The Wreckoning. Kill Yourselves.

Who wants to see INCUBUS this summer?

I'm sure there are some of you out there that don't like Incubus because they're not on TRL or whatever obnoxious vehicle you kids get your music fixes from these days. That's hogwash. Roughly 15 years in the game and Incubus remains one of the best rock acts out there. Also, they put on a great show. It just so happens they're touring the US this summer promoting their greatest hits album set to drop next month. I already have a group of six together to see the show in Philly on August 8th. It's only $45 for general admission at the Festival Pier at Penn's Landing, meaning anyone who wants to join can purchase their tickets separately and get in on the fun. Think about it: summertime outdoorsy drunken music listening. What's not to like?

And to whet your appetites, especially those unfamiliar with the band, here is their new single Black Heart Inertia. Enjoy.

Blackout 2!!!

It's been 10 years since Red & Meth's classic album. Now they're back for round 2. This is A-Yo, the first single. Nails.

Rejected Cartoons by Don Hertzfeldt

Tip o' the hat to Lee at Three Rivers Philosophizer.

Are You There Jah? It's Me Ras Trent...

Recently, I downloaded The Lonely Island's Incredibad album. Chances are you're not familiar with them. The Lonely Island is the comedy/music troupe comprised of Andy Samberg (of SNL fame) , Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer. They're best known as the collective responsible for Saturday Night Live's SNL Digital Shorts. Dick In a Box, Lazy Sunday, I'm On A Boat, and many others have become a part of pop culture reference. With the release of their CD which includes the audio versions of these hilarious offerings, The Lonely Island has introduced themselves to a wider audience.

The disc runs 19 tracks long, many of which have been featured as digital shorts. Admittedly, there's a disconnect in popularity between audio and video versions. For instance, Dick In A Box is by far the most well known digital short, as well as the most accessed Youtube video. However, in solely audio form, other shorts that perhaps went overlooked now get a chance to shine on Incredibad. My favorite is Ras Trent, an Andy Samberg exclusive that finds him discovering Selassie, and embracing Rastafarianism in a side-splittingly crackerish manner.

The Incredibad experience is one worth having, regardless whether you're an SNL fan or not. At a time when many consider the show irrelevant or past its prime, it's refreshing to see at least one element breathing life into what, in my opinion, remains a comedic network institution. Enjoy Ras Trent by clicking the link immediately below this paragraph. The Lonely Island's website, which I highly recommend for it's various original multimedia experiences, is accessible via the link at the bottom. Enjoy.

The Lonely Island - Ras Trent

The Lonely Island Official Website