Top 75 Songs of 2009

In breaking with the top cd's of the year theme from the previous two years, I've opted for something a bit more ambitious. For 2009, I'm going to instead take you muddatrucks through this year's top 75 songs. The project was originally planned as a top 50, but I got stuck in no man's land between 75 and 100 and decided to cut back rather than add crappier songs to get to the century mark. And yes, I realize it's been something like half a year since I blessed you fruits with a post on my own site, but I have good reason: laziness. I also enjoy making lists. So there. Check out last year's list (posted 1/6/09) and the one from the year prior (posted 4/8/08) for reference. Aside from that, there's no further posturing necessary. The only thing I'll say is that this list is not subjective. It represents nothing short of pure fact. Like Maddox says, if you disagree with anything you read here (or elsewhere on Can I Live?, for that matter), you are wrong. Without further ado, your top 75 songs of 2009:

75. RJD2 - The Move (ft. Tage)
74. Wale - Pot of Gold (ft. Daniel Merriweather)
73. Eminem - Crack A Bottle (ft. Dr. Dre & 50 Cent)
72. Camp Lo - Ticket 4 2
71. Erin Bode - Skating
70. DJ JS-1 - Ridiculous (ft. OC & Pharoahe Monch)
69. Incubus - Anything
68. Snoop Dogg - Fallin Asleep On Death Row
67. Glee Cast - Poison
66. MF Doom - Ballskin
65. Royce Da 5'9" - New Money
64. Saigon - The Rules
63. Raekwon - Fearless Ninjas (ft. Ghostface)
62. Eminem - Old Times Sake (ft. Dr. Dre)
61. Tanya Morgan - She's Gone aka Without You (ft. Phonte & Brittany Bosco)
60. Sondre Lerche - I Guess It's Gonna Rain Today
59. Mac Demy - Right Now (ft. Corleone)
58. Camp Lo - Son of A
57. Wale - Beast
56. Mos Def - Supermagic
55. J Dilla - Fire Wood Drumstix (ft. MF Doom)
54. Glee Cast - No Air
53. Ghostface - Goner (ft. Lloyd)
52. Blaq Poet - Ain't Nuttin Changed
51. Incubus - Martini
50. Eminem - Taking My Ball
49. Blackroc - Stay Off the Fuckin Flowers (ft. Raekwon)
48. Methodman & Redman - City Lights (ft. Bun B)
47. Snoop Dogg - Doggystyle (ft. George Clinton & Jewell)
46. Reflection Eternal - Back Again
45. Royce Da 5'9" - Freestyle w/ Busta Rhymes
44. Blu - Melo
43. Camp Lo - Gotcha (ft. Tyler Woods)
42. Souls of Mischief - Tour Stories
41. Rick Ross - Maybach Music 2 (ft. Kanye West, T-Pain, & Lil Wayne)
40. Q-Tip - Renaissance Rap (ft. Busta Rhymes, Raekwon, & Lil Wayne)
39. Raekwon - We Gettin Knots (ft. Fat Joe & Big Pun)
38. Guilty Simpson - My Time To Shine
37. M.O.P. - Rude Bastard
36. Saigon - My Crew
35. Eminem - Same Song & Dance
34. Tanya Morgan - So Damn Down
33. Glee Cast - Smile (Lilly Allen version)
32. Ghostface - Guest House (ft. Fabolous)
31. Camp Lo - Black Connect 3)
30. Incubus - Midnight Swim
29. Nipsey Hussle - Hussle In The House
28. Wale - 5 Minutes (ft. Skyzoo)
27. MF Doom - Gazzillion Ear
26. Foo Fighters - Wheels
25. Tokimonsta - Tweet Call Me (remix)
24. Lil Wayne - Run This Town Freestyle
23. Incubus - Let's Go Crazy
22. Atmosphere - Millie Fell Off the Fire Escape
21. Busta Rhymes - Director's Cut (ft. Uncle Murda)
20. Method Man & Redman - Dis Iz 4 All My Smokers
19. Mos Def - Auditorium (ft. Slick Rick)
18. Wale - Say It Again (ft. Royce Da 5'9")
17. Raekwon - New Wu (ft. Ghostface & Method Man)
16. Ghostface - Paragraphs of Love (ft. Vaughn Anthony & Estelle)
15. Asher Roth - Lark On My Go Kart
14. Tanya Morgan - Morgan Blu (ft. Blu)
13. Jay-Z - Thank You
12. Glee Cast - Hate On Me
11. Kanye West - Champion (Nick Catchdubs remix)
10. Saigon - Goodbye
09. Raekwon - Gihad
08. Jay Electronica - Dealing
07. Method Man & Redman - A-Yo (ft. Saukretes)
06. Mos Def - History (ft. Talib Kweli)
05. Ghostface - Baby (ft. Raheem "Radio" DeVaughn)
04. Royce Da 5'9" - Dinner Time (ft. Busta Rhymes)
03. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia
02. Glee Cast - I Wanna Sex You Up
01. Jay Electronica - Exhibit C

The Wreckoning

It's not a typo, asshole. I'm trying to be deep. Just go with it. I haven't done this in awhile, which is an understatement, I realize. Shit, since I rejoined society about three months ago I haven't done anything in awhile...except work. No need to qualify your snicker with a comment -- I know how absurd it sounds. I guess the main reason for my lack of postage can be summed up by the simple fact that I can only write when I'm drunk in the middle of the night, and I haven't been drunk in the middle of the night in quite some time. In short, the two-headed monster known as reality and responsibility is killing Drunken Capps.

Drunken Capps now survives only in short spurts of excellence these days. I was "keeping it real" by drinking every night straight through the first six weeks of this new job. After awhile though, I found myself placing a premium on being in bed before 11 o'clock. Without realizing it, I'd become just like all the people I railed against during my 21-month hiatus from the world. You'd think this realization would've freaked me the fuck out, because conforming is not even something I'd realized I was doing as it happened. My new mindset snuck up on me completely out of the blue. What stuck with me after the initial shock is how comfortable I was with the whole thing.

Is this what getting older means? I find myself -- gulp -- trying to get ahead. It's something I think about now. The other day I got all excited because my boss told me I was doing a better job than expected and as such would be giving me extra responsibility earlier than the company's timetable called for. The fuck? Who am I and what have I done with Drunken Capps?

On a side note, I made an interesting find relating to the human psyche the other day. The necessary background info is that I have a management position at a sales and marketing company which calls for almost no clerical work. However, about once every two weeks I need to spend a half an hour making copies of shit I need to give to my employees. A couple days ago I was in front of the copier and and I noticed I had an erection. Then I realized I had an erection every time I was in front of the copier. At first I was at a loss as to why this was, but then I realized it's because when I was 18 I had a temp job where I spent most of my days making copies next to some thirty-something woman I found extremely attractive. At such a tender age, this woman must have really left an impression on me, because as soon as I made the connection in my mind the other day it became instantly apparent that there could be no other explanation for the phenomenon. Ten years later and I still have this knee jerk physiological reaction. I dunno, I found it interesting.

Anyway...wow lemme take a step back from this nonsense for a second. I am goddamn drunk right now! It always happens this way...I decide to keep it chill with a night in, which invariably leads to a fucking alcoholic waterfall by the time I decide to blog for you fruits. In fact, I'd venture to say I get less drunk when I'm out in public. I should just always go out rather than stay in. It'd save me the hangover and requisite liver damage. If you thought these posts were pre-arranged you're kidding yourself. We're flying by the seat of our pants, baby! I hope you appreciate it.

OK, let's wrap this up. I just read this whole thing over and it's a fucking mess. Am I always this bad or can I claim cobwebs? Hopefully it's the wear of not posting for a long while. Regardless: something prescient about Drunken Capps being related to general responsibility and how it justifies the "clever" title The Wreckoning. Kill Yourselves.

Who wants to see INCUBUS this summer?

I'm sure there are some of you out there that don't like Incubus because they're not on TRL or whatever obnoxious vehicle you kids get your music fixes from these days. That's hogwash. Roughly 15 years in the game and Incubus remains one of the best rock acts out there. Also, they put on a great show. It just so happens they're touring the US this summer promoting their greatest hits album set to drop next month. I already have a group of six together to see the show in Philly on August 8th. It's only $45 for general admission at the Festival Pier at Penn's Landing, meaning anyone who wants to join can purchase their tickets separately and get in on the fun. Think about it: summertime outdoorsy drunken music listening. What's not to like?

And to whet your appetites, especially those unfamiliar with the band, here is their new single Black Heart Inertia. Enjoy.

Blackout 2!!!

It's been 10 years since Red & Meth's classic album. Now they're back for round 2. This is A-Yo, the first single. Nails.

Rejected Cartoons by Don Hertzfeldt

Tip o' the hat to Lee at Three Rivers Philosophizer.

Are You There Jah? It's Me Ras Trent...

Recently, I downloaded The Lonely Island's Incredibad album. Chances are you're not familiar with them. The Lonely Island is the comedy/music troupe comprised of Andy Samberg (of SNL fame) , Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer. They're best known as the collective responsible for Saturday Night Live's SNL Digital Shorts. Dick In a Box, Lazy Sunday, I'm On A Boat, and many others have become a part of pop culture reference. With the release of their CD which includes the audio versions of these hilarious offerings, The Lonely Island has introduced themselves to a wider audience.

The disc runs 19 tracks long, many of which have been featured as digital shorts. Admittedly, there's a disconnect in popularity between audio and video versions. For instance, Dick In A Box is by far the most well known digital short, as well as the most accessed Youtube video. However, in solely audio form, other shorts that perhaps went overlooked now get a chance to shine on Incredibad. My favorite is Ras Trent, an Andy Samberg exclusive that finds him discovering Selassie, and embracing Rastafarianism in a side-splittingly crackerish manner.

The Incredibad experience is one worth having, regardless whether you're an SNL fan or not. At a time when many consider the show irrelevant or past its prime, it's refreshing to see at least one element breathing life into what, in my opinion, remains a comedic network institution. Enjoy Ras Trent by clicking the link immediately below this paragraph. The Lonely Island's website, which I highly recommend for it's various original multimedia experiences, is accessible via the link at the bottom. Enjoy.

The Lonely Island - Ras Trent

The Lonely Island Official Website

Cookie Monster goes in hard

What the deal is

I was watching Ahnold in Raw Deal this afternoon. In it, his wife gets drunk, upset, and bitchy, and throws a birthday cake at his head. Ahnold responds, "You shouldn't drink and bake." Suffice to say Raw Deal has been overlooked by many Schwarzeneggar fans. Gangster. Anyway, I decided to celebrate my free night at home by going to the liquor store and purchasing the cheapest, largest bottle of scotch available. Dewar's White label it is; ugh. Beggars can't be choosers though, as I'm told. Once I'm super rich, I'll never talk to any of you again be able to purchase much more expensive and desirable alcohol. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these drunken and superfluous rantings. One thing I can tell you is that I'm working on a brand new song. This is a Corleone exclusive and not a Bastard Sons collabo, not surprisingly. Unlike previous "promises" it seems this track's actually coming into fruition. Stay tuned.

And that's pretty much it. This very well might be my lamest post; perhaps my level of intoxication isn't befitting of my audience. Perhaps you're not drunk enough to comprehend the genius of these musings. Regardless, make sure to offer big ups and congratulations to my main homegirl VLo , who had the audacity and bravery to abstain from alcohol for 50 days. Sweet Jebus -- I literally shook as I typed that!

Check it: http://50dayssober.blogspot.com/

On Death

Let me start off by disclaiming this is not a morbid post. I've just been thinking a lot about death and a possible afterlife lately, and wanted to share some thoughts. I'm definitely an atheist -- intellectually, it's simply too difficult for me to reconcile any sort of set religious dogma in my mind. But that begs the question of what happens to you when you die. Unfortunately, most of my prognostications are still grounded in the same religious ideas we've been beaten to death with for 2,000 years. I.E. if there is no heaven, then what? Does your body return to the earth and get recycled, in keeping with the laws of energy conservation? It seems more likely than a set "heaven", but this is one of the main tenets of Buddhism. My gut reaction is that simply nothing happens; there is no hereafter. Perhaps I lack the proper imagination to come up with a better answer.

Not having the answer is perhaps the main challenge of atheism. Believers choose to find fault in this, while non-believers embrace ambiguity as they rebel against a set need for understanding. No matter which school of thought you adhere to, the most overlooked piece of information, in my mind, is how people feel about death itself. Everyone seems to want to jump ahead, leaving the traumatic event of their own death to family and friends. But how do you feel about your own imminent demise? Surely, most are not indifferent towards such a calamitous event.

The obvious answer is that people don't want to die. This is clear, but it simplifies and evades my point. Here is an abstract thought almost no one bothers to consider. Beyond worrying about a time line for one's own life, again, how does it make you feel? Personally, I worry about more trivial matters as pertained to my demise. For instance, what if I die while following a favorite sports team during a promising season? Perhaps there's a film I've been long awaiting release in theaters. How awful would it be to expire before the end of the season of my favorite television show? These are the things I think about. Personal relationships don't really enter into the equation, at least at this point in my life. Does that make me cold or abnormal? I guess it's open to deliberation. I'm just saying we might as well have the balls to tackle the discussion head-on.

Jesus Is My Friend

Can I Live? A Year of Gulliness, Crotchety Viewpoints and Scheisse Videos

It's hard to believe, but a year has passed since the inception of this website. There's been plenty of gulliness and crotchety viewpoints, yet no scheisse videos thus far. For the same token, in my first post I hinted that a list of my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." For those who don't follow my site on the regular, this list never occurred. It's disappointing, yet a fully representative microcosm of my life. Those who know me best will certainly get a kick out of this. Surely, spite will have nothing to do with that sentiment. What I have managed to do in the last 365 days is get a head start on drinking myself to death in a wholly earnest bout to throw my life away. So, you know, at least something's been accomplished.

On a positive note, one year ago I expressed my disdain for a certain obnoxious acronym, and vowed never to type it on this forum. Not only have I succeeded in going a whole year without typing it, I've abstained from even laughing out loud in my daily travails, lest I fail in my quest on some convoluted technicality. There's been no rolling on the floor laughing. Not once have I been accused of laughing my ass off. Under no circumstance have I laughed so hard my belly hurt. Take that, Generation Y.

Entering my second year trying to e-live, I anticipate a continued effort to make as little effort as possible. For you, my reader(s), I'll make little to no effort, whatsoever. That's how much I care. You can expect that my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." Additionally, in the upcoming months I'm planning informational posts ranging from my hatred of babies to how to get away with murder. If there's anything you feel is missing from this site, or any additional content you'd like to suggest, please do so in the comments section. I'll be sure to get to it promptly, along with all the other things I have planned*. Thank you for visiting Can I live?, and here's to another year of living.

* Not really

Patrick Chewing

I can't stop watching...I've been giggling like a little girl for the last five minutes.

The Expendables

"A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator." Sounds like a decent enough plot for a movie, right? But wait, it's being written and directed by Sylvester Stallone. Makes it a bit more promising, I'd say. Hold the phone, now...wait till you fruits get a load of the cast. Sylvester Stallone. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Mickey Rourke. Dolph Lundgren. Jet Li. Forrest Whitaker. Danny Trejo. Jason Statham. Eric Roberts. That's right, it's gonna be 90+ minutes of R-rated, ass-kicking fury! Can you believe this cast?!? Sly and Arnold together? Check! Rocky and Ivan Drago reunion? Check! The triumphant return of '80s action movie badassery? CHECK! I'm so fucking excited!!! 2010 can't come soon enough!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/

Worrisome News

I think it's somewhat normal for one to freak out about their drinking habits from time to time. Most of us do at least a modicum of partying, right? I posit that part of the psychosis of the situation lies in one's inherent nature of...oh fuck it, who am I kidding? I'm drunk as shit. There's no reasoning to be had here, and that's the worrisome news. I cracked a 90 proof bottle of bourbon at roughly 10pm and have been drinking steadily ever since. Slowly, true, but I feel the volume is warranted, and now the bottle is gone. This particular point is at the very crux of the matter -- I'm not nearly as intoxicated as I should be. It's been several hours of hard liquor intake. I should be toasted, yet here I am at nearly 8am readying a coherent thought. It's almost blasphemous. I'm not sure what to make of this. Oh well, fuck it...wish I could be humorous, insightful, poignant or whatever it is my reader(s) look for from this blog. But I can't. That's worrisome.

American Ninja

I just spent the last 95 minutes with a big goofy smile on my face like a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. Why, you ask? Because I just got finished watching American Ninja, the 1985 classic starring Michael Dudikoff. Extreme gulliness. This dude(ikoff) is so badass, he goes more than ten minutes into the movie before even speaking a line. That's how powerful he is! Upon reflecting on the cinematic gift I've been privileged to bear witness to, I've come away with two points:

1. I've got to see the other four American Ninjas.
2. If I were filthy rich, I'd have a slew of assistants, and I'd assign them various random tasks like "Bring me Ninja III: The Domination on dvd by any means necessary."

Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? What is Ninja III: The Domination? I'll sum it up for you in one sentence: A breakdancer with ESP becomes possessed by a nasty ninja. Says it all. The icing on the cake is that both this and American Ninja were directed by the same guy, Sam Firstenberg. Talk about talent! Below, enjoy clips from these two gems.

Oscar Predictions

I've been making good use of Cablevision's free movie Tuesdays as well as my roommate's Cinematographer's Guild free screenings to see pretty much every worthwhile movie up for awards at this year's Oscars. I feel pretty qualified as a result to offer my own predictions, so I'm gonna go ahead and do so. Bear in mind the Academy votes subjectively. As such, there's sometimes a disconnect between who should win and who actually wins. This, after all, is not a science. On to it...

Note: films appearing next to an asterisk mean I haven't seen them.

Actor in a Supporting Role:

• Josh Brolin, Milk
• Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
• Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
• Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

This is a classic case of the Academy's subjectivity. Heath Ledger's had this wrapped up for months, right? Didn't we decide this over the summer? I thought we had until I saw Doubt this week. Hate to be a dick, but as much as I loved Ledger's turn as The Joker (hint: A LOT!!!), Phillip Seymour Hoffman put in a far better dramatic performance. Had it not been for an untimely death, Hoffman would have Oscar #2. Instead, Mr. First Knight wins one for posterity's sake. Special mention should be made for Michael Shannon, who was amazing in a reduced role. Congratulations, you definitely have your name out there for the future.

Actress in a Supporting Role:

• Amy Adams, Doubt
• Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona*
• Viola Davis, Doubt
• Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

I've heard some rumblings for MarisaTomei here but I don't think so. It's no fault of her own; the part she played just wasn't conducive. To me, Amy Adams is the only choice. She went 12 rounds with two heavyweights - Streep and Hoffman - and looked damn good in the process. Davis was also fantastic in the same film, only her screen time barely amounted to fifteen minutes over one extended scene. Though I haven't seen Cruz's performance, I have a hard time seeing her as an Oscar winner. Adams is the safe pick.

Actor in a Leading Role:

• Richard Jenkins, The Visitor*
• Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
• Sean Penn, Milk
• Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Frank Langella! The man is in his late seventies, been in the game for a half century and has yet to be recognized. What more do you need? Better still, he's an absolute tour-de-force in this film. The climactic scene, where he takes over without saying a word, is nothing short of breathtaking. Talk about a thousand words! Mickey Rourke was also really excellent - clearly his best effort. I could see it going to him, I just think Langella is more deserving. The dark horse is Penn, only because the left-leaning Academy loves these call to action movies and he's really good in it. I'm sticking with Langella though.

Actress in a Leading Role

• Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married*
• Angelina Jolie, Changeling
• Melissa Leo, Frozen River*
• Meryl Streep, Doubt
• Kate Winslet, The Reader

This category is a bit of a wildcard for me given I've yet to see 40% of the entrants' work. With that said, I can rule out Anne "Havoc" Hathaway on general principle. And though I'm generally averse to "the buzz", I've heard zilch about Melissa Leo. Except, you know, that she was in Righteous Kill. So yeah, no. Meryl Streep should win, but Kate Winslet will. Here's why: Winslet is a fantastic actress who's been nominated six times but never won. Furthermore, voters will also have her very strong performance in Revolutionary Road fresh in their minds. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep is one of the very most celebrated actresses of her time. All of this equals triumph for Winslet. I do hope all the posturing can be laid to rest and Streep is given her due, especially since she's only won twice in 15 nominations herself, but I just don't see it. Kate Winslet proves that fucking pubescent German boys = ultimate success.

Directing:

• Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
  
• Stephen Daldry, The Reader
  
• David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
  
• Gus Van Sant, Milk

This is by far the toughest category for me to predict. I make no qualms in my admission that I know little of the technical side of the film industry. While I know jack shit of editing or cinematography, and realize film direction is often about management as much as it is about art or being tech-savvy, I'm going for it regardless. The obstacle here is that every film is exceptional and does a great job of drawing the viewer in. This is definitely not a weak year. Still, I think it comes down to Danny Boyle and David Fincher. The former helmed the surprise favorite of the season. It's charming, stylish, and above all, very well put together. Fincher crafted the only true epic of the season. Both are worthy. I'm going with David Fincher here, and I don't even really know why. It's just a bit more traditional, and I feel like that could be the difference maker.

Best Picture:

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
  
• Frost/Nixon
• Milk
• The Reader
• Slumdog Millionaire

Like I said earlier, all of these selections are fantastic. That's not something I can say every year, when there are shit sandwiches getting recognition I don't understand (see There Will Be Blood, Titanic). There's not a weak film in the bunch. However, as good as they all are, picture of the year comes down to two: Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's not surprising there's a direct overlap with the previous category because these two films stand head and shoulders above the competition. Recent history favors an overlap of best picture and director Oscars. I'm going against the grain: Slumdog is more than deserving. It's one of the most unique, well-done, entertaining, exciting, well-acted films in recent memory. For the record, each film is a must see. The Reader is wonderful as well, a close third. Here's my order from best to almost best:

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
3. The Reader
4. Frost/Nixon
5. Milk

Father of the Year

Editor's Note: The following post is from official Can I Live? contributor Barnes. Bear in mind his daughter recently celebrated her first birthday.

My daughter and I went to the grocery today. While I was waiting for my deli meats I had to burp. As is the custom in my house I blew my burp at my daughter. I got the feeling that a fellow patron and her daughter were disgusted. My suspicions were confirmed when they verbally expressed their disappointment. Having absolutely no pride, I shrugged it off and moved on with my shopping. As I was closing up my shopping trip in the bread isle, my daughter was holding the shopping list so I was asking her what else we needed to get and she was babbling incoherently in that adorable way only a one year old can. When I responded to her babble in my best gushy baby voice, "Pussy? Who are you calling a pussy? If you're not careful you're likely to get knocked out." Sure enough the same mother-daughter combo popped out from around the corner hidden by the 6 foot high pile of english muffins. After hearing everything I had just said, the previously mentioned mother-daughter combo felt the need to again express verbally their disappointment. I responded in what I think was the best way possible, by saying with a smile "well....how do you know until you try it" ending it in an upward inflection, at the time I had know idea what that meant, but I hope they got home and were consumed by what I said. I like to think that's the sort of thing that will haunt them forever.

I Can't Think Of Anything To Say

Good thing every word in the title is capitalized. It's not like it took me five minutes to type it or anything. Can I live? That's operative, given this blog's title. Of course, the answer is no. Plus, I can't live in a literal sense...there are too many people against me. No Russ Geltman. My roommate and longtime friend Russ Geltman sees fit to make me suffer at all turns. Wow...no idea what I'm talking about. I guess that's what you get when you're forced to be in your room for hours at a time. If your name is Russ Geltman, I have a message for you. LET ME OUT. I'M SUFFERING. THIS IS LIKE PRISON TO ME. I WANT TO WATCH TELEVISION, GOD DAMNIT.

Editor's Note, Next Morning Edition: Wow! I think I drink too much.

Quick Check-In

I don't have much to say. Just wanted to drop in and leave something, considering most people bitch I don't post enough. You know who does post enough? Shampton. Shampton posts more than enough, I think you'll agree, once you check out his brand spankin new blog:

http://chris-hampton.blogspot.com/

It's more than worth your while. I'm not sure how much a while is worth, but Shampton will surely let you know. I hate when you pour that one final drink at the end of the night because, at the time, you can't gauge how drunk you are. Then you come to find out you're way drunker than originally anticipated. But you have an entire 12oz glass of scotch to drink. And surely, you're not going to allow said glass to go undrunk. So you sit there sipping it for what seems like ages, only to let what seems like hours pass by with hardly a discernible dent having been made. Finally, you start gulping straight scotch at nearly three am just so you feel as if you've accomplished something...another feat to cross off your bucket list. To make matters worse, you arrive home earlier in the night to discover your friend Barnes has made all sorts of alcoholic/pseudo-homosexual accusations against your person, and you just want to drink away the pain to prove that a) you'll not answer to any such alcoholic accusations, and b) you're not gay, damnit. Seem ridiculous? That's because it is. And I would know; I'm practically the puppet master in the macabre theater of ridiculousness.

It all boils down to making a decision to type whatever comes to mind regardless of how nonsensical it may seem. Psychiatrists use this with their patients sometimes. I believe it's called "freethinking". What you've just read, apparently, is my innermost and purest thoughts. Scared? Me too. I'd provide a link for sending donations right now, except you'll all be paying for my burden regardless once I'm officially a ward of the state. As it stands, I already wear pajamas all day while vegetating in front of the tube...so it shouldn't be much of a culture shock once I make the official move from my couch to the loony bin.

My only hope is that I'm able to hold it together long enough to enact a plan some close friends have hatched to run up a $1000 tab at Cafe 210 in State College, PA. And to be clear, these are college prices so reaching said goal would really be quite the feat. To learn more, join the Facebook group $1000 Tab at Cafe 210. If you're unable to do so, inquire within and I'll direct you accordingly. If there's nothing else, I'll just gulp down the rest of this scotch, giggle alone in my room for awhile, and call it a night. Adieu.

Black Dynamite

Your Grandma Called. She Wants Her Great Depression Back.

We are so fucked. You know how fucked we are? So fucked, that our children's children will be pregnant with little fucked children as a result of how truly, economically fucked we are. I'm not gonna come at you with all sorts of facts and figures, because frankly, I'm ill-equipped to do so. I am the dictionary definition of a layperson when it comes to this matter. But isn't that what makes this all the more tangible? You don't have to possess some doctorate-level understanding of the situation to know that shit is gonna get a lot worse still before it gets better.

Watching tonight's presidential address I was struck by a few points. First of which is that it's refreshing to have my leader engage in open dialogue with his people. Yes his answers were rehearsed, as are all presidential answers in this setting. But one got the feeling he allowed for thinking aloud, to pardon the pseudo homonym. Second is the realization that not one of us could have imagined a scenario twelve months ago where our President would give an address in which it would take 45 minutes for the topic of the War on Terror to arise. This is a testament to the tensity and reality of our country's economic status. To use the word a second time, the matter of economic recession is simply more tangible to the average American than is the war being waged abroad. Third, in fairness, is the possible overestimation of Obama's ability to unite Republicans and Democrats like he was trumpeted as being able to do during the election. It's true he's only been in office three weeks, but let's hope for everyone's sake this battle over his economic stimulus package isn't a preview of things to come over the next four years. If it is, and sides can't even agree money needs to be spent to lift ourselves out of this hole we've dug, how can it be expected that two ideologies can converge over more traditionally combative topics like how to solve the health care debacle or what measures to take to elevate our educational system.

I'm not claiming to have answers here. In fact, this problem is at the crux of the matter. With everyone claiming the need for bipartisanship, no one on either side has a definitive cure for what ills us. The only saving grace seems to be the total agreement that something needs to be done, even if that something remains undefined in the short term. I, for one, am scared shitless. Certainly things haven't been this messed up during the course of my lifetime of almost 28 years. Yet, I remain confident in our path. It will undoubtedly be a struggle, but with our new direction hopefully there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

To end on a lighter note (and I think we can all use one), I was reminded of the following sketch while watching Obama this evening. Imagine if this actually happened? It would be hilarious (but more so tragic [but also pretty hilarious])!

Chappelle's Show

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Vernon Franklin

Charlie Murphy Videos
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy
True Hollywood Story

Another bullshit note with 25 useless facts

Editor's note: This list is copied from my facebook note. These things are so fucking trendy now that I decided to do one. My apologies if you're reading this here because you found my website via this same list on Facebook...just scroll down or check the archives for new content.

1) People who wear open-toed shoes should be exterminated for the greater good of the human race.

2) I've been in several music groups, including Bastard Sons, Jiggy Nation, and Sound Theory.

3) My blog that no one reads is called Can I Live?. It can be found, thanks to my shameless plug, here: http://imustlive.blogspot.com/

4) I love to travel, and have been to more places abroad than within the borders of this here United States.

5) I love to drink, and have been intoxicated more nights in the past decade than is considered healthy within the parameters of common sense.

6) I feel that a lack of adherence to social mores will lead to the eventual downfall of Western Civilization. Shit, look at how proper the Chinese are. Just stand to the fucking right while on escalators. Jesus!

7) Don't get me started on Jesus, or religion for that matter. Machines for control, and nothing more.

8) I have a belly button

9) Tecmo Super Bowl for Super Nintendo is the greatest video game ever made.

10) People from the South (and Ohio) are stupid. Arguing with me only proves my point.

11) My top five favorite movies are Unforgiven, Goodfellas, The Godfather, Se7en, and Vanilla Sky.

12) When I go for a run, I think, "Why am I running?" Then I stop.

13) I love my couch.

14) Having strong political opinions is a good thing. Blind adherence to one school of thought, however, is terribly detrimental.

15) When I was three my mom dumped a glass of milk on my head, then laughed maniacally. I've yet to make a full emotional recovery.

16) I've lived in four states: New Jersey (represent!), Pennsylvania, Road Island, and Ohio (ewwww).

17) People used to marvel at my love for 7th Heaven. I used to tell them that it was like watching a bad car accident. You can't look away.

18) When the world is irrevocably changed on 12/21/12, I'm going to laugh heartily at all of you who worked so hard these past few years.

19) I think it's funny how every time you're in a relationship that's going well you think you've met the love of your life. Then, when it goes to shit, you conveniently forget that this person was the "only one" for you. What is it? How many great loves is one allotted?

20) I'll let you all in on a secret: there is no one love of your life. Convenient how everyone has one of these from within a five mile radius of where they grew up...out of this vast universe, your soul mate went to high school with you? Get real.

21) I am a pessimist...

22) ...however, I am god damned optimistic about cheese!

23) If all these beauty queens were actually able to end world hunger, cure diseases and stop wars, what then? There'd be 20 billion of us overextending the earth's space and resources and we'd all die anyway. Sorry.

24) I tried in earnest to make most of these points humorous, but failed miserably because

25) These lists are ridonkulous.

Weekly Poll Wednesdays!!!

This poll business is absurd on a number of counts, not least of which are the facts that the polls are seldom posted on Wednesdays and almost never posted weekly. For instance, today is Thursday, and it's been roughly two months since I last bothered to deal with this nonsense. Truth be told, I'm kinda getting tired of the idea. Yet here I am ready to half-ass it once more for no one in particular. Last time I queried as to how I would best be described . You chose:

Nihilist (56%)
Narcissist (22%)
Must I really look these words up (22%)
Pariah (0%)
Plutocrat (0%)

At first glance, this appears to be a win for my readership; I would have figured way more than 22% of you wouldn't know what these words meant and opt for the cop out answer. But when you take into account that no one chose the latter two possibilities, it becomes obvious none of you fools know what you're talking about. Clearly I'm both pariah and plutocrat, so disagreements can't be to blame here. It's an indictment of the American education system, really. Tsk tsk. Anyway, no doubt those who voted recalled nihilist and narcissist as vocab words from high school English in some deep recess of their minds, and hence clicked one of those. For the record, while I am quite fond of myself, I do also lack a feeling of purpose. We're all ants in a maze... For that, I'd have to cosign on the results of this poll.

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I racked my brain for almost a full thirty seconds before settling on this new poll question. It's rather thought provoking. Not really, but we must have a poll. Do you like me? Yes, no? I can see where this one's going. But I'll go ahead with it regardless. Let your voices be heard. Just remember my blood could be on your hands. Just kidding.

Best Divorce Letter Ever

Click on image to enlarge...this is friggin hilarious to me.

Top 10 CDs of 2008

When I made this list last year, I wrote how crappy music had become and how I could only come up with 17 candidates for a top ten list. Well, things must be even worse because there's only fifteen albums for me to choose from for my Top 10 CDs of 2008. The strange thing is I obtain new music constantly, only it's not actually "new." With the music industry having gone to shit, if one wishes to expand his horizons the only way to go is backward. I just keep discovering older music and rolling with it as if it were new. Matter of fact, I found a few cd's from last year that probably would have cracked that list. What can I say? There's a lot of underground and obscure shit out there...it's impossible to get to it all in a timely fashion.

Before revealing my list, I'd like to make one disclaimer: This is not a list of my favorite albums, like the still forthcoming Top 25 favorite CDs list I keep talking about. These ten discs are the best to come out from last year. It is not my opinion; it is my fact. Here we go:

1. David Cook - David Cook
2. Oasis - Dig Out Your Soul
3. Erin Bode - The Little Garden
4. Asher Roth - The Greenhouse Effect Vol. 1
5. Everclear - The Vegas Years
6. Elzhi - The Preface/Europass
7. Cookin Souls - Ojayzis: Jay-Z vs. Oasis
8. Johnson & Jonson - Johnson & Jonson
9. The Roots - Rising Down
10. Atmosphere - When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold

You might have noticed that this year's best are a little less rap-heavy as compared to last year. That's because hip-hop had a banner year in awful, which is really saying something given the direction the genre has been headed for years now. To top it off, two of the five rap cd's are white guys (Asher Roth and Atmosphere)! That Cookin Souls disc has rap, but it's a mashup so I consider that to be in a different category. The other five albums are rock/jazz, including four of the top five. And the best album of 2008 is by none other than David Cook, the most recent American Idol winner. And before you get all pissy in the comments, know that this man has a sound like no other Idol grad. His shit rocks, as does the new Oasis cd...I urge you to check them out.

Let me know what you all think. I'm sure there'll be plenty of disagreements. And while we're at it, fill me in on the nonsense you've been listening to this past year. Perhaps I've overlooked something (though I doubt it). For posterity's sake, check out last year's top ten by clicking on the link below. I think I like those better than this year's crop. Let's hope this is not a developing trend...

Top 10 CDs of 2007