Disaster

This post is solely in the interest of full disclosure. I've been doing my best not to drink for some time now. I was exercising this evening (I know, no homo); upon my return I made a decision not to purchase alcohol prior to the midnight deadline. This decision proved to be disastrous. By the time I was done watching the new season's premiere of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, which is a supremely excellent show, I realized the mistake I'd made. I was wide awake and ready to drink. Try as I may, there was no reconciling my need for alcohol. I set upon my mission to buy the devil drink.

Much to my dismay, I arrived at the liquor store to realize it had been closed for eight minutes. Trips to nearby locations proved equally unfruitful. Dejected, I set about returning home. I had given up hope. But luckily, I passed a bar on my way back. Realizing this was my only opportunity to drink, I entered. There was but one seat open at the bar; I occupied it. What transpired from this point can only be described as drunken foolishness. I began with two shots of Jack and a G&T, followed with a beer and whiskey on rocks. After that was a scotch accompanied by a Redbull and vodka. After that is anybody's guess. I know I spent at least a couple of hours in there. One can only wonder the kind of fantasy that ensued. I know I applied for some sort of job. I also know I challenged the female bartender, in some convoluted effort to hit on her, to create a number of drinks to serve to me. I don't think her concoctions served me very well.

In short, I'm drunk and don't know what I'm talking about. Is this my fault? I'd like to think it's not, but who am I to judge? I'm no expert. I'm just a guy who took 90 minutes to type this abortion of a post. I'd feel sorry for myself, but you try having a drinking problem. That's what I thought...go fuck yourself. I knew you weren't better than me.