Friday Bad Ideas

Is it Friday? I'm pretty sure it is, because It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia was on last night. Funniest show on tv, bar none (just saying). So yeah, I guess that makes it time for another installment of Friday Bad Ideas. Here goes...

That picture you see above is of me wearing my T.A.T.U. shirt. That's Teens Against Tobacco Use, not the Russian Lesbian pop music group. Clearly, I'm not a teen. I'm also not against tobacco use, what with my penchant for butt-smoking and all that (no homo). What I am for is irony. It's hilarious! For me, few everyday observances are more humorous than walking down the street and seeing some guy wearing a t-shirt that reads "Too smart to start too cool to smoke" while actually smoking a cigarette. That's just me.

Is this, in and of itself, a bad idea? Not at all. Not in my opinion. The middle-aged hoo-er walking with her toddler I encountered this afternoon felt otherwise. Here's a basic rundown of what transpired:

Me: (walking down street, smoking cigarette, minding own business)
Hoo-er: (directional stink eyes abound)
Me: (confused, unconcerned)
Hoo-er: "You know, you're sending the wrong message to children with that shirt."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Hoo-er: "That shirt, I'm not amused by it."
Me: "You're not amused by the message of the shirt, or the fact I'm smoking a cigarette?"
Hoo-er: "Both."
Me: "Are you sure? Because that's contradictory. How can you be simultaneously against someone smoking cigarettes and wearing an anti-smoking shirt?"
Hoo-er: "Because it's bad enough my child is subjected to second-hand smoke, let alone having to be subjected to this kind of wrong message about smoking."
Me: Your child can't read. What is she three years old?"
Hoo-er: "That's besides the point. You need to accept responsibility for your actions! Blah blah blah, yada yada yada, so on and so forth."
Me: (shakes head in disgust, decides to take high road and walk away)
Hoo-er: "That's right, walk away! We don't need people like you walking around on these streets!"

And that's pretty much it. The whole thing lasted less than thirty seconds, but the transfer of nerve from her person unto me was enough for a lifetime. The nerve! First off, I pride myself in always taking others viewpoints, feelings, and concerns into account; it has always been this way unless I'm drunk. So, arguably, it has always been this way roughly 45% of the time (I was sober at the point of this exchange). With that said, I always blow my smoke away from passerbys on the street and even go so far as to switch my cigarette from hand to hand and hold it out accordingly so as to keep it as far away from children as possible. I understand parents don't want it around their kids; I make it a point to oblige the general public above and beyond what is socially acceptable.

With all that said, fuck this lady. I think I've successfully demonstrated how much stock I put in the adherence to social mores. Did I deserve this?!? Shit, the vast majority of the population doesn't go nearly as out of there way for these people. Matter of fact, had I not been so respectful, I would have given this hoo-er one of my patented Drunk Capps-style what fors. I probably should have...shows what I get for being a good person.

At the end of the day, I am once again left with the feeling of shock and awe from yet another negative encounter in public. This is proof positive of two things: (1) There are several people, organized or not, out to get me, and (2) The end is nigh. I truly can't think of a better topic for an F.B.I. post. This hoo-er is a moron. Her reaction was a bad idea. I'll leave her deserved penance up to karma.