Jesus Is My Friend

Can I Live? A Year of Gulliness, Crotchety Viewpoints and Scheisse Videos

It's hard to believe, but a year has passed since the inception of this website. There's been plenty of gulliness and crotchety viewpoints, yet no scheisse videos thus far. For the same token, in my first post I hinted that a list of my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." For those who don't follow my site on the regular, this list never occurred. It's disappointing, yet a fully representative microcosm of my life. Those who know me best will certainly get a kick out of this. Surely, spite will have nothing to do with that sentiment. What I have managed to do in the last 365 days is get a head start on drinking myself to death in a wholly earnest bout to throw my life away. So, you know, at least something's been accomplished.

On a positive note, one year ago I expressed my disdain for a certain obnoxious acronym, and vowed never to type it on this forum. Not only have I succeeded in going a whole year without typing it, I've abstained from even laughing out loud in my daily travails, lest I fail in my quest on some convoluted technicality. There's been no rolling on the floor laughing. Not once have I been accused of laughing my ass off. Under no circumstance have I laughed so hard my belly hurt. Take that, Generation Y.

Entering my second year trying to e-live, I anticipate a continued effort to make as little effort as possible. For you, my reader(s), I'll make little to no effort, whatsoever. That's how much I care. You can expect that my "top 25 fave rap cd's is coming up in the next few days." Additionally, in the upcoming months I'm planning informational posts ranging from my hatred of babies to how to get away with murder. If there's anything you feel is missing from this site, or any additional content you'd like to suggest, please do so in the comments section. I'll be sure to get to it promptly, along with all the other things I have planned*. Thank you for visiting Can I live?, and here's to another year of living.

* Not really

Patrick Chewing

I can't stop watching...I've been giggling like a little girl for the last five minutes.

The Expendables

"A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator." Sounds like a decent enough plot for a movie, right? But wait, it's being written and directed by Sylvester Stallone. Makes it a bit more promising, I'd say. Hold the phone, now...wait till you fruits get a load of the cast. Sylvester Stallone. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Mickey Rourke. Dolph Lundgren. Jet Li. Forrest Whitaker. Danny Trejo. Jason Statham. Eric Roberts. That's right, it's gonna be 90+ minutes of R-rated, ass-kicking fury! Can you believe this cast?!? Sly and Arnold together? Check! Rocky and Ivan Drago reunion? Check! The triumphant return of '80s action movie badassery? CHECK! I'm so fucking excited!!! 2010 can't come soon enough!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/

Worrisome News

I think it's somewhat normal for one to freak out about their drinking habits from time to time. Most of us do at least a modicum of partying, right? I posit that part of the psychosis of the situation lies in one's inherent nature of...oh fuck it, who am I kidding? I'm drunk as shit. There's no reasoning to be had here, and that's the worrisome news. I cracked a 90 proof bottle of bourbon at roughly 10pm and have been drinking steadily ever since. Slowly, true, but I feel the volume is warranted, and now the bottle is gone. This particular point is at the very crux of the matter -- I'm not nearly as intoxicated as I should be. It's been several hours of hard liquor intake. I should be toasted, yet here I am at nearly 8am readying a coherent thought. It's almost blasphemous. I'm not sure what to make of this. Oh well, fuck it...wish I could be humorous, insightful, poignant or whatever it is my reader(s) look for from this blog. But I can't. That's worrisome.

American Ninja

I just spent the last 95 minutes with a big goofy smile on my face like a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. Why, you ask? Because I just got finished watching American Ninja, the 1985 classic starring Michael Dudikoff. Extreme gulliness. This dude(ikoff) is so badass, he goes more than ten minutes into the movie before even speaking a line. That's how powerful he is! Upon reflecting on the cinematic gift I've been privileged to bear witness to, I've come away with two points:

1. I've got to see the other four American Ninjas.
2. If I were filthy rich, I'd have a slew of assistants, and I'd assign them various random tasks like "Bring me Ninja III: The Domination on dvd by any means necessary."

Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? What is Ninja III: The Domination? I'll sum it up for you in one sentence: A breakdancer with ESP becomes possessed by a nasty ninja. Says it all. The icing on the cake is that both this and American Ninja were directed by the same guy, Sam Firstenberg. Talk about talent! Below, enjoy clips from these two gems.

Oscar Predictions

I've been making good use of Cablevision's free movie Tuesdays as well as my roommate's Cinematographer's Guild free screenings to see pretty much every worthwhile movie up for awards at this year's Oscars. I feel pretty qualified as a result to offer my own predictions, so I'm gonna go ahead and do so. Bear in mind the Academy votes subjectively. As such, there's sometimes a disconnect between who should win and who actually wins. This, after all, is not a science. On to it...

Note: films appearing next to an asterisk mean I haven't seen them.

Actor in a Supporting Role:

• Josh Brolin, Milk
• Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
• Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
• Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

This is a classic case of the Academy's subjectivity. Heath Ledger's had this wrapped up for months, right? Didn't we decide this over the summer? I thought we had until I saw Doubt this week. Hate to be a dick, but as much as I loved Ledger's turn as The Joker (hint: A LOT!!!), Phillip Seymour Hoffman put in a far better dramatic performance. Had it not been for an untimely death, Hoffman would have Oscar #2. Instead, Mr. First Knight wins one for posterity's sake. Special mention should be made for Michael Shannon, who was amazing in a reduced role. Congratulations, you definitely have your name out there for the future.

Actress in a Supporting Role:

• Amy Adams, Doubt
• Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona*
• Viola Davis, Doubt
• Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

I've heard some rumblings for MarisaTomei here but I don't think so. It's no fault of her own; the part she played just wasn't conducive. To me, Amy Adams is the only choice. She went 12 rounds with two heavyweights - Streep and Hoffman - and looked damn good in the process. Davis was also fantastic in the same film, only her screen time barely amounted to fifteen minutes over one extended scene. Though I haven't seen Cruz's performance, I have a hard time seeing her as an Oscar winner. Adams is the safe pick.

Actor in a Leading Role:

• Richard Jenkins, The Visitor*
• Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
• Sean Penn, Milk
• Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Frank Langella! The man is in his late seventies, been in the game for a half century and has yet to be recognized. What more do you need? Better still, he's an absolute tour-de-force in this film. The climactic scene, where he takes over without saying a word, is nothing short of breathtaking. Talk about a thousand words! Mickey Rourke was also really excellent - clearly his best effort. I could see it going to him, I just think Langella is more deserving. The dark horse is Penn, only because the left-leaning Academy loves these call to action movies and he's really good in it. I'm sticking with Langella though.

Actress in a Leading Role

• Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married*
• Angelina Jolie, Changeling
• Melissa Leo, Frozen River*
• Meryl Streep, Doubt
• Kate Winslet, The Reader

This category is a bit of a wildcard for me given I've yet to see 40% of the entrants' work. With that said, I can rule out Anne "Havoc" Hathaway on general principle. And though I'm generally averse to "the buzz", I've heard zilch about Melissa Leo. Except, you know, that she was in Righteous Kill. So yeah, no. Meryl Streep should win, but Kate Winslet will. Here's why: Winslet is a fantastic actress who's been nominated six times but never won. Furthermore, voters will also have her very strong performance in Revolutionary Road fresh in their minds. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep is one of the very most celebrated actresses of her time. All of this equals triumph for Winslet. I do hope all the posturing can be laid to rest and Streep is given her due, especially since she's only won twice in 15 nominations herself, but I just don't see it. Kate Winslet proves that fucking pubescent German boys = ultimate success.

Directing:

• Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
  
• Stephen Daldry, The Reader
  
• David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
  
• Gus Van Sant, Milk

This is by far the toughest category for me to predict. I make no qualms in my admission that I know little of the technical side of the film industry. While I know jack shit of editing or cinematography, and realize film direction is often about management as much as it is about art or being tech-savvy, I'm going for it regardless. The obstacle here is that every film is exceptional and does a great job of drawing the viewer in. This is definitely not a weak year. Still, I think it comes down to Danny Boyle and David Fincher. The former helmed the surprise favorite of the season. It's charming, stylish, and above all, very well put together. Fincher crafted the only true epic of the season. Both are worthy. I'm going with David Fincher here, and I don't even really know why. It's just a bit more traditional, and I feel like that could be the difference maker.

Best Picture:

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
  
• Frost/Nixon
• Milk
• The Reader
• Slumdog Millionaire

Like I said earlier, all of these selections are fantastic. That's not something I can say every year, when there are shit sandwiches getting recognition I don't understand (see There Will Be Blood, Titanic). There's not a weak film in the bunch. However, as good as they all are, picture of the year comes down to two: Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's not surprising there's a direct overlap with the previous category because these two films stand head and shoulders above the competition. Recent history favors an overlap of best picture and director Oscars. I'm going against the grain: Slumdog is more than deserving. It's one of the most unique, well-done, entertaining, exciting, well-acted films in recent memory. For the record, each film is a must see. The Reader is wonderful as well, a close third. Here's my order from best to almost best:

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
3. The Reader
4. Frost/Nixon
5. Milk