That's right. The graphic you're viewing is from none other than 1993's Tecmo Super Bowl -- the greatest video game ever created. And it's real. I, as the Buffalo Bills, did defeat the Cincinnati Bengals 105-0. Thurman Thomas did rumble over those motherfuckers for an unprecedented 938 rushing yards. The amazing thing is I did it on just 30 carries, an astounding 31.26 yards per attempt! Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. Believe me, I'm no stranger to the Tecmo haters. Fortunately, I have a witness in one Mr. J. Beau Razler who can confirm the whole thing. There's no doctoring of photos going on here.
Lots of you enjoyed boasting of your Tecmo prowess. Some even went so far as to claim superiority over yours truly. Fiddlesticks! I have never been defeated in a fully-sanctioned match. Furthermore, I'll suffer no arguments against my use of the Bills in this particular instance. I was utilizing Thurman's skills to exploit Cincy's porous D in order to secure the all-time rushing record. Mission accomplished, bitches. Front if you want to, but you fruits know you could never accomplish such a feat. In fact, I welcome you to try. Here is my halftime stats from that game, for posterity's sake. Click the pictures for a better view of excellence. Gentlemen, it's all right if these graphics excite you in the pants region. It doesn't make you gay*. You're just recognizing my stupendous accomplishment and realizing a Tecmo player with this caliber of skill comes along maybe once a generation. Embrace it. Cherish it. This day will live in infamy!
* - Not that you're not gay. I'm not trying to say that. You definitely are gay, just that the feeling my Tecmo skills give you in your pants region is not what makes you gay. Understand? Okay.
7 comments:
interesting that you mention never being beatin' in a fully-sanctioned match.... also, i beat the bungles 126-0 about 4 years ago. unfortunately my witness, g-web, has disappeared from the face of the earth
on a side note, congrats on showin' the tecmo gods who's boss
126-0? A likely story. While that is a monumental trouncing, the point of my story was not to illustrate the final score, but rather the 938 rushing yards. It can never be duplicated, don't even bother.
nah, i wouldn't bother. i don't like the offensive records.
try this wild proclamation on for size -- do an entire season (not including playoffs) throwing 16 or less passes.
i tried it with the saints for ten weeks (then i had to leave the country or something) and didn't throw a single pass. good times
Ha! It's 8am and I just got home from last night. I took the F train from Queens, bypassed Manhattan because I fell asleep, went all the way to Coney Island on the southern tip of Brooklyn, and had to come all the way back north to 34th street in Manhattan, just to wait for the path train back to Hoboken. Clearly I royally fucked up my commute home, yet I'm drunk and happy. I've read your wild proclamation and have decided to give it a go. I'll let you know how it turns out. I'm thinking Chicago. If I only get a max of 16 passes, I'll be looking to maximize my Touchdown Peter Jennings.
I once heard a rumor that Gavin beat Al so bad in Tecmo that he purchased a passport and fled the country in disgust.
I can back al up on this one, plus about a month ago I beat the giants 112-0 during a season. Try again capps
Congratulations, Barnes. That's quite the accomplishment. How many rushing yards did you have? Oh, not 938? Ok. Again, the point of the post was not the final score, but rather the rushing yards. When you can match my record then come talk to me.
Post a Comment