Quick aside: Nightmare Detective was muy horrible. Like, flabbergastingly horrible. It's a Japanese thriller my mom was interested in seeing. The title alone should have clued us in to the shit show we were about to witness. I wish I could have seen my face as I sat in abject horror for two hours straight for all the wrong reasons. I won't even do this abortion justice by explaining it any further.
Anyway, let's get back to my quest to drink away the pain (relax, Dara). I moved onto whiskey after the wine was finished. I should have realized a move like this would spell disaster, and bring about a swift end to my night. I mean, usually ending one's night with lots of whiskey after a long night of drinking several other types of alcohol has this effect, right? Unfortunately, I was too drunk to notice. It was right around this point when my memory begins to fail me. Luckily for you fruits my mother was awake and sober enough to bear witness. Idiocy includes but is not limited to:
- cooking a steak at 5:30am
- blasting Bastard Sons
- showing my mother this website
- fierce air guitaring
- forcing my mom to look up 24-hour diners on the internet
- inviting my mother to Toronto to see a concert with my friends
The best part about all this is when I woke up this morning on the couch I got up and went to the fridge, and upon noticing my steak was missing, accused my mother of eating it. You should have seen the look on her face. I don't remember any of this. I thank my lucky stars, though, that my mom is cool as shit and has a sense of humor. I'm 27 years old...can you believe it? So yeah, getting blackout drunk in front of your mother? Bad idea.
5 comments:
Damn, all you were missing was Columbian hammer toss, chopping some trees down, a sign post through a 7th floor window, and possibly some stolen meat from Mark and Stealers apartment.
Good time, good times!
I'd like to start a movement to get Colombian Hammer Toss, along with Venezuelan Hammer Catch, into the 2012 Summer Olympics. You with me? Also, I think Alistair should be the poster boy for Paraguayan Anal Hammer Dildo.
down in the south it's called Paraguayan Anal Hammer Grab and it's already been trademarked. Five bucks each use on the blog and 15 bucks per poster
What's fair is fair. How many million guarani is $5?
Rules of Paraguayan Anal Hammer Grab:
The two participants stand approximately 8 meters away from each other. The older participant always starts with the hammer. After the traditional opening ceremony of downing a litre of Rossi in 5 minutes, the participants disrobe and take their positions.
The Hammer Catcher leans forward and grabs his/her ankles. The Hammer Wielder takes aim and attempts to lodge the hammer between the ass cheeks of the Hammer Catcher. If the Hammer Catcher falls over or attempts to get out of the way, they are penalized 5 hammer strokes to the kneecap. The process is repeated, changing positions after each throw, until one of the participants reaches 100 points.
Scoring:
1 point: hitting ass crack, no lodge
5 points: lodging handle of hammer in ass crack
10 points: lodging hammer end in ass crack
15 points: lodging claw end in ass crack
50 points: hammer end is embedded in anal cavity
100 points -- Golden ticket: claw end is embedded in anal cavity. Automatic win.
There you have it, folks. Feel free to play at home
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