American Ninja

I just spent the last 95 minutes with a big goofy smile on my face like a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. Why, you ask? Because I just got finished watching American Ninja, the 1985 classic starring Michael Dudikoff. Extreme gulliness. This dude(ikoff) is so badass, he goes more than ten minutes into the movie before even speaking a line. That's how powerful he is! Upon reflecting on the cinematic gift I've been privileged to bear witness to, I've come away with two points:

1. I've got to see the other four American Ninjas.
2. If I were filthy rich, I'd have a slew of assistants, and I'd assign them various random tasks like "Bring me Ninja III: The Domination on dvd by any means necessary."

Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? What is Ninja III: The Domination? I'll sum it up for you in one sentence: A breakdancer with ESP becomes possessed by a nasty ninja. Says it all. The icing on the cake is that both this and American Ninja were directed by the same guy, Sam Firstenberg. Talk about talent! Below, enjoy clips from these two gems.

Oscar Predictions

I've been making good use of Cablevision's free movie Tuesdays as well as my roommate's Cinematographer's Guild free screenings to see pretty much every worthwhile movie up for awards at this year's Oscars. I feel pretty qualified as a result to offer my own predictions, so I'm gonna go ahead and do so. Bear in mind the Academy votes subjectively. As such, there's sometimes a disconnect between who should win and who actually wins. This, after all, is not a science. On to it...

Note: films appearing next to an asterisk mean I haven't seen them.

Actor in a Supporting Role:

• Josh Brolin, Milk
• Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
• Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
• Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

This is a classic case of the Academy's subjectivity. Heath Ledger's had this wrapped up for months, right? Didn't we decide this over the summer? I thought we had until I saw Doubt this week. Hate to be a dick, but as much as I loved Ledger's turn as The Joker (hint: A LOT!!!), Phillip Seymour Hoffman put in a far better dramatic performance. Had it not been for an untimely death, Hoffman would have Oscar #2. Instead, Mr. First Knight wins one for posterity's sake. Special mention should be made for Michael Shannon, who was amazing in a reduced role. Congratulations, you definitely have your name out there for the future.

Actress in a Supporting Role:

• Amy Adams, Doubt
• Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona*
• Viola Davis, Doubt
• Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

I've heard some rumblings for MarisaTomei here but I don't think so. It's no fault of her own; the part she played just wasn't conducive. To me, Amy Adams is the only choice. She went 12 rounds with two heavyweights - Streep and Hoffman - and looked damn good in the process. Davis was also fantastic in the same film, only her screen time barely amounted to fifteen minutes over one extended scene. Though I haven't seen Cruz's performance, I have a hard time seeing her as an Oscar winner. Adams is the safe pick.

Actor in a Leading Role:

• Richard Jenkins, The Visitor*
• Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
• Sean Penn, Milk
• Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Frank Langella! The man is in his late seventies, been in the game for a half century and has yet to be recognized. What more do you need? Better still, he's an absolute tour-de-force in this film. The climactic scene, where he takes over without saying a word, is nothing short of breathtaking. Talk about a thousand words! Mickey Rourke was also really excellent - clearly his best effort. I could see it going to him, I just think Langella is more deserving. The dark horse is Penn, only because the left-leaning Academy loves these call to action movies and he's really good in it. I'm sticking with Langella though.

Actress in a Leading Role

• Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married*
• Angelina Jolie, Changeling
• Melissa Leo, Frozen River*
• Meryl Streep, Doubt
• Kate Winslet, The Reader

This category is a bit of a wildcard for me given I've yet to see 40% of the entrants' work. With that said, I can rule out Anne "Havoc" Hathaway on general principle. And though I'm generally averse to "the buzz", I've heard zilch about Melissa Leo. Except, you know, that she was in Righteous Kill. So yeah, no. Meryl Streep should win, but Kate Winslet will. Here's why: Winslet is a fantastic actress who's been nominated six times but never won. Furthermore, voters will also have her very strong performance in Revolutionary Road fresh in their minds. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep is one of the very most celebrated actresses of her time. All of this equals triumph for Winslet. I do hope all the posturing can be laid to rest and Streep is given her due, especially since she's only won twice in 15 nominations herself, but I just don't see it. Kate Winslet proves that fucking pubescent German boys = ultimate success.

Directing:

• Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
  
• Stephen Daldry, The Reader
  
• David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
  
• Gus Van Sant, Milk

This is by far the toughest category for me to predict. I make no qualms in my admission that I know little of the technical side of the film industry. While I know jack shit of editing or cinematography, and realize film direction is often about management as much as it is about art or being tech-savvy, I'm going for it regardless. The obstacle here is that every film is exceptional and does a great job of drawing the viewer in. This is definitely not a weak year. Still, I think it comes down to Danny Boyle and David Fincher. The former helmed the surprise favorite of the season. It's charming, stylish, and above all, very well put together. Fincher crafted the only true epic of the season. Both are worthy. I'm going with David Fincher here, and I don't even really know why. It's just a bit more traditional, and I feel like that could be the difference maker.

Best Picture:

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
  
• Frost/Nixon
• Milk
• The Reader
• Slumdog Millionaire

Like I said earlier, all of these selections are fantastic. That's not something I can say every year, when there are shit sandwiches getting recognition I don't understand (see There Will Be Blood, Titanic). There's not a weak film in the bunch. However, as good as they all are, picture of the year comes down to two: Slumdog Millionaire and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's not surprising there's a direct overlap with the previous category because these two films stand head and shoulders above the competition. Recent history favors an overlap of best picture and director Oscars. I'm going against the grain: Slumdog is more than deserving. It's one of the most unique, well-done, entertaining, exciting, well-acted films in recent memory. For the record, each film is a must see. The Reader is wonderful as well, a close third. Here's my order from best to almost best:

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
3. The Reader
4. Frost/Nixon
5. Milk

Father of the Year

Editor's Note: The following post is from official Can I Live? contributor Barnes. Bear in mind his daughter recently celebrated her first birthday.

My daughter and I went to the grocery today. While I was waiting for my deli meats I had to burp. As is the custom in my house I blew my burp at my daughter. I got the feeling that a fellow patron and her daughter were disgusted. My suspicions were confirmed when they verbally expressed their disappointment. Having absolutely no pride, I shrugged it off and moved on with my shopping. As I was closing up my shopping trip in the bread isle, my daughter was holding the shopping list so I was asking her what else we needed to get and she was babbling incoherently in that adorable way only a one year old can. When I responded to her babble in my best gushy baby voice, "Pussy? Who are you calling a pussy? If you're not careful you're likely to get knocked out." Sure enough the same mother-daughter combo popped out from around the corner hidden by the 6 foot high pile of english muffins. After hearing everything I had just said, the previously mentioned mother-daughter combo felt the need to again express verbally their disappointment. I responded in what I think was the best way possible, by saying with a smile "well....how do you know until you try it" ending it in an upward inflection, at the time I had know idea what that meant, but I hope they got home and were consumed by what I said. I like to think that's the sort of thing that will haunt them forever.

I Can't Think Of Anything To Say

Good thing every word in the title is capitalized. It's not like it took me five minutes to type it or anything. Can I live? That's operative, given this blog's title. Of course, the answer is no. Plus, I can't live in a literal sense...there are too many people against me. No Russ Geltman. My roommate and longtime friend Russ Geltman sees fit to make me suffer at all turns. Wow...no idea what I'm talking about. I guess that's what you get when you're forced to be in your room for hours at a time. If your name is Russ Geltman, I have a message for you. LET ME OUT. I'M SUFFERING. THIS IS LIKE PRISON TO ME. I WANT TO WATCH TELEVISION, GOD DAMNIT.

Editor's Note, Next Morning Edition: Wow! I think I drink too much.

Quick Check-In

I don't have much to say. Just wanted to drop in and leave something, considering most people bitch I don't post enough. You know who does post enough? Shampton. Shampton posts more than enough, I think you'll agree, once you check out his brand spankin new blog:

http://chris-hampton.blogspot.com/

It's more than worth your while. I'm not sure how much a while is worth, but Shampton will surely let you know. I hate when you pour that one final drink at the end of the night because, at the time, you can't gauge how drunk you are. Then you come to find out you're way drunker than originally anticipated. But you have an entire 12oz glass of scotch to drink. And surely, you're not going to allow said glass to go undrunk. So you sit there sipping it for what seems like ages, only to let what seems like hours pass by with hardly a discernible dent having been made. Finally, you start gulping straight scotch at nearly three am just so you feel as if you've accomplished something...another feat to cross off your bucket list. To make matters worse, you arrive home earlier in the night to discover your friend Barnes has made all sorts of alcoholic/pseudo-homosexual accusations against your person, and you just want to drink away the pain to prove that a) you'll not answer to any such alcoholic accusations, and b) you're not gay, damnit. Seem ridiculous? That's because it is. And I would know; I'm practically the puppet master in the macabre theater of ridiculousness.

It all boils down to making a decision to type whatever comes to mind regardless of how nonsensical it may seem. Psychiatrists use this with their patients sometimes. I believe it's called "freethinking". What you've just read, apparently, is my innermost and purest thoughts. Scared? Me too. I'd provide a link for sending donations right now, except you'll all be paying for my burden regardless once I'm officially a ward of the state. As it stands, I already wear pajamas all day while vegetating in front of the tube...so it shouldn't be much of a culture shock once I make the official move from my couch to the loony bin.

My only hope is that I'm able to hold it together long enough to enact a plan some close friends have hatched to run up a $1000 tab at Cafe 210 in State College, PA. And to be clear, these are college prices so reaching said goal would really be quite the feat. To learn more, join the Facebook group $1000 Tab at Cafe 210. If you're unable to do so, inquire within and I'll direct you accordingly. If there's nothing else, I'll just gulp down the rest of this scotch, giggle alone in my room for awhile, and call it a night. Adieu.

Black Dynamite

Your Grandma Called. She Wants Her Great Depression Back.

We are so fucked. You know how fucked we are? So fucked, that our children's children will be pregnant with little fucked children as a result of how truly, economically fucked we are. I'm not gonna come at you with all sorts of facts and figures, because frankly, I'm ill-equipped to do so. I am the dictionary definition of a layperson when it comes to this matter. But isn't that what makes this all the more tangible? You don't have to possess some doctorate-level understanding of the situation to know that shit is gonna get a lot worse still before it gets better.

Watching tonight's presidential address I was struck by a few points. First of which is that it's refreshing to have my leader engage in open dialogue with his people. Yes his answers were rehearsed, as are all presidential answers in this setting. But one got the feeling he allowed for thinking aloud, to pardon the pseudo homonym. Second is the realization that not one of us could have imagined a scenario twelve months ago where our President would give an address in which it would take 45 minutes for the topic of the War on Terror to arise. This is a testament to the tensity and reality of our country's economic status. To use the word a second time, the matter of economic recession is simply more tangible to the average American than is the war being waged abroad. Third, in fairness, is the possible overestimation of Obama's ability to unite Republicans and Democrats like he was trumpeted as being able to do during the election. It's true he's only been in office three weeks, but let's hope for everyone's sake this battle over his economic stimulus package isn't a preview of things to come over the next four years. If it is, and sides can't even agree money needs to be spent to lift ourselves out of this hole we've dug, how can it be expected that two ideologies can converge over more traditionally combative topics like how to solve the health care debacle or what measures to take to elevate our educational system.

I'm not claiming to have answers here. In fact, this problem is at the crux of the matter. With everyone claiming the need for bipartisanship, no one on either side has a definitive cure for what ills us. The only saving grace seems to be the total agreement that something needs to be done, even if that something remains undefined in the short term. I, for one, am scared shitless. Certainly things haven't been this messed up during the course of my lifetime of almost 28 years. Yet, I remain confident in our path. It will undoubtedly be a struggle, but with our new direction hopefully there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

To end on a lighter note (and I think we can all use one), I was reminded of the following sketch while watching Obama this evening. Imagine if this actually happened? It would be hilarious (but more so tragic [but also pretty hilarious])!

Chappelle's Show

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Vernon Franklin

Charlie Murphy Videos
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy
True Hollywood Story

Another bullshit note with 25 useless facts

Editor's note: This list is copied from my facebook note. These things are so fucking trendy now that I decided to do one. My apologies if you're reading this here because you found my website via this same list on Facebook...just scroll down or check the archives for new content.

1) People who wear open-toed shoes should be exterminated for the greater good of the human race.

2) I've been in several music groups, including Bastard Sons, Jiggy Nation, and Sound Theory.

3) My blog that no one reads is called Can I Live?. It can be found, thanks to my shameless plug, here: http://imustlive.blogspot.com/

4) I love to travel, and have been to more places abroad than within the borders of this here United States.

5) I love to drink, and have been intoxicated more nights in the past decade than is considered healthy within the parameters of common sense.

6) I feel that a lack of adherence to social mores will lead to the eventual downfall of Western Civilization. Shit, look at how proper the Chinese are. Just stand to the fucking right while on escalators. Jesus!

7) Don't get me started on Jesus, or religion for that matter. Machines for control, and nothing more.

8) I have a belly button

9) Tecmo Super Bowl for Super Nintendo is the greatest video game ever made.

10) People from the South (and Ohio) are stupid. Arguing with me only proves my point.

11) My top five favorite movies are Unforgiven, Goodfellas, The Godfather, Se7en, and Vanilla Sky.

12) When I go for a run, I think, "Why am I running?" Then I stop.

13) I love my couch.

14) Having strong political opinions is a good thing. Blind adherence to one school of thought, however, is terribly detrimental.

15) When I was three my mom dumped a glass of milk on my head, then laughed maniacally. I've yet to make a full emotional recovery.

16) I've lived in four states: New Jersey (represent!), Pennsylvania, Road Island, and Ohio (ewwww).

17) People used to marvel at my love for 7th Heaven. I used to tell them that it was like watching a bad car accident. You can't look away.

18) When the world is irrevocably changed on 12/21/12, I'm going to laugh heartily at all of you who worked so hard these past few years.

19) I think it's funny how every time you're in a relationship that's going well you think you've met the love of your life. Then, when it goes to shit, you conveniently forget that this person was the "only one" for you. What is it? How many great loves is one allotted?

20) I'll let you all in on a secret: there is no one love of your life. Convenient how everyone has one of these from within a five mile radius of where they grew up...out of this vast universe, your soul mate went to high school with you? Get real.

21) I am a pessimist...

22) ...however, I am god damned optimistic about cheese!

23) If all these beauty queens were actually able to end world hunger, cure diseases and stop wars, what then? There'd be 20 billion of us overextending the earth's space and resources and we'd all die anyway. Sorry.

24) I tried in earnest to make most of these points humorous, but failed miserably because

25) These lists are ridonkulous.

Weekly Poll Wednesdays!!!

This poll business is absurd on a number of counts, not least of which are the facts that the polls are seldom posted on Wednesdays and almost never posted weekly. For instance, today is Thursday, and it's been roughly two months since I last bothered to deal with this nonsense. Truth be told, I'm kinda getting tired of the idea. Yet here I am ready to half-ass it once more for no one in particular. Last time I queried as to how I would best be described . You chose:

Nihilist (56%)
Narcissist (22%)
Must I really look these words up (22%)
Pariah (0%)
Plutocrat (0%)

At first glance, this appears to be a win for my readership; I would have figured way more than 22% of you wouldn't know what these words meant and opt for the cop out answer. But when you take into account that no one chose the latter two possibilities, it becomes obvious none of you fools know what you're talking about. Clearly I'm both pariah and plutocrat, so disagreements can't be to blame here. It's an indictment of the American education system, really. Tsk tsk. Anyway, no doubt those who voted recalled nihilist and narcissist as vocab words from high school English in some deep recess of their minds, and hence clicked one of those. For the record, while I am quite fond of myself, I do also lack a feeling of purpose. We're all ants in a maze... For that, I'd have to cosign on the results of this poll.

**************************

I racked my brain for almost a full thirty seconds before settling on this new poll question. It's rather thought provoking. Not really, but we must have a poll. Do you like me? Yes, no? I can see where this one's going. But I'll go ahead with it regardless. Let your voices be heard. Just remember my blood could be on your hands. Just kidding.