Why I Hate Women

The following is an aim conversation I think is topically applicable for those who know me or are interested enough to read this blog. Your boy goes in hard (no homo) and rips this chick a new one several times over. Her screen name has been changed for anonymity purposes. It is a bit long, but hilarious in my opinion. I hope this bitch reads this shit. I found out tonight she still harbors ill will more than a year later. And here I thought I was "undateable." Go figure...

Wingie Man: hi
C u Next Tuesday LoL: whats up
Wingie Man: look, we may as well put whatever that was behind us so things aren't weird
Wingie Man: especially because we have to work together all day
C u Next Tuesday LoL: not for nothing justin, but this was your decision
Wingie Man: what decision was that?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: 1)to ignore me 2) to act like i actually did something to you 3) to make it seem like i'm the biggest asshole ever
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i wanted to talk to you about this but you didn't want to
Wingie Man: it's unbelievable you don't see anything wrong with what you did
C u Next Tuesday LoL: thats not the thing, i didn't do anything to you on purpose, you know that
C u Next Tuesday LoL: and to blow everything off becausr of this one stupid thing is pretty ridiculous if you ask me
Wingie Man: what could your motive possibly have been to drag me back to connecticut with you if you knew you had your period
Wingie Man: and that's not just a guy being a pig...ask any woman
Wingie Man: you make the move to ask a guy back with you and certain things become implicit
Wingie Man: most notably hooking up
Wingie Man: and most definiitely when said hookup is to take place in connecticut
Wingie Man: I really wanna know what you foresaw for the rest of the night when you asked me to come back there while we were still in manhattan
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what the fuck did you want me to say to you.."oops, sorry i just got my period..see you later"
C u Next Tuesday LoL: not to mention i was god damn drunk
Wingie Man: I expect you to act like an adult and be real with me
Wingie Man: and don't insult me further by playing the drunk card
C u Next Tuesday LoL: oh i see, so acting like an adult would be to not want to spend time with someone cuz you can't have sex with them
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i think we should define the word adult before we go throwing it around
Wingie Man: right, because we haven't hung out plenty of times without hooking up
Wingie Man: and you never heard me complaining or even mentioning anything of that nature
Wingie Man: don't make like i've been out for one thing
Wingie Man: but at 3am, I'll say it again, that's what I and every other normal human being is about
Wingie Man: did you really expect me to come back to stamford, ct at 3am with you to "hang out"?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: you act like i god damn begged to get my period
Wingie Man: especially knowing it took me four hrs to get home sunday
Wingie Man: 4 HOURS!
C u Next Tuesday LoL: you know i feel baed about that, but jesus christ a made a fuckin mistake, how long are you friggin harp on this
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i'm sorry
Wingie Man: you've got a very peculiar way of showing how bad you feel when all the while you've been playing dumb like you didn't know what you did
C u Next Tuesday LoL: how so
C u Next Tuesday LoL: thats not the case at all
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what the fuck did you want me to do make a friggin train appear for you
C u Next Tuesday LoL: you didn't want to talk to me
Wingie Man: oh i'm terribly sorry...I guess I didn't want to talk to you because you dragged me to connecticut only to leave me high and dry, then drove an HOUR to drop me off at a fucking train station when you could have driven me home in half that time
Wingie Man: which is what you should have done after the shit you pulled
Wingie Man: so I apologize, hopefully next time you fuck me in the ass I'll be a bit more gabby
C u Next Tuesday LoL: heres the truth justin, i didn't really have my period, i just didn't want to have sex with you and then on sunday i created the best god damn plan i could to fuck you in the ass
C u Next Tuesday LoL: now you know my true intentions
Wingie Man: it worked like a charm then
Wingie Man: congratulations
Wingie Man: I still can't believe that shit happened, that's how perfect a plan it was
Wingie Man: straight out of a movie
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i fuckin almost started crying telling melinda what happened, what the fuck do you want me to do, it wasn't done on purpose, i'm sorry it happened, i just want to fuckin forget it and move on
Wingie Man: I don't know what to say to that
C u Next Tuesday LoL: ?
Wingie Man: exactly
Wingie Man: it would've been fine if you didn't want to hook up
Wingie Man: you just can't drag dudes two states away on a saturday night to fucking cuddle
Wingie Man: unacceptable
Wingie Man: and surprisingly immature, if you ask me
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no shit justin
Wingie Man: the kicker is i've gotten the feeling this whole time you don't get what the big fucking deal is
Wingie Man: I knew my commute back was gonna be a bitch, don't you think I realized that before agreeing to come back?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what do you think i'm a fuckin moron, of course i do, theres just nothing i can do about it now, if i could i would just take it back
Wingie Man: so with that said, it should be obvious why i agreed to go back with you
Wingie Man: and in the end all i got was a bitch of a commute
Wingie Man: fucking slap in the face, and i'm supposed to forget about it???
Wingie Man: if you can find a guy who'll shrug off that bullshit I advise you to go after him
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what the fuck is that supposed to mean
C u Next Tuesday LoL: if you honestly think i would ever do something like that to you intentionally then obviously you don't know me at all, i've said i'm sorry, i don't know what else you want me to do, i wanted to talk to you about it yesterday cuz i know what i did was fucked up, but you didn't want to, so to assume i thought it was alright is not fair
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i would never do something like that to you and be a la-di-da about it
Wingie Man: you had HOURS on sunday to let me know you knew it was fucked up
Wingie Man: funny, because sunday morning you were pretty god damn la di da about it
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what the fuck did you want me to do
Wingie Man: apologize, admit fault, and drive me the fuck home
Wingie Man: instead, you did nothing, no pun intended, and I got shafted on all fronts
C u Next Tuesday LoL: I'M SORRY JUSTIN
Wingie Man: haha
Wingie Man: clearly i'm going to end up the bad guy on this one
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no you aren't
Wingie Man: i already saw that coming
Wingie Man: are you familiar with social mores?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: justin enough, honestly, if you knew how bad i feel about the whole thing you wouldn't keep throwing it in my face, i'm sorry, i've said it a million times and i know it doesn't make ANYTHING better but i am, i didn't intend to fuck you in the ass, but i did, i don't want things to end because of this one stupid mistake, i was wrong, i fucked you, i did and didn't do things i should have
Wingie Man: fine
Wingie Man: you didn't answer my question
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no justin, what?
Wingie Man: they're unwritten laws of society we've all been conditioned to follow
Wingie Man: they change from country to country and culture to culture
Wingie Man: but in this country they're clearly defined
Wingie Man: classic example:
C u Next Tuesday LoL: listen fuckin webster, I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG
Wingie Man: no, hear me out please
Wingie Man: classic example:
Wingie Man: you walk onto an empty bus with just one other person besides the driver on it
Wingie Man: where do you sit?
Wingie Man: anywhere but right next to that person, right
Wingie Man: ?
Wingie Man: that's a social more
C u Next Tuesday LoL: ha, yeah
Wingie Man: pronounced, MORay
Wingie Man: in case you were wondering
Wingie Man: anyway
Wingie Man: another one is when a woman asks a man to come home with her (or in certain instances back to their friends apt with whom they're spending the night), some degree of sex is expected
Wingie Man: unless you're a virgin in high school or a mormon
Wingie Man: to wit, you are neither of those things
Wingie Man: so, once again, apologize days after the fact all you want
Wingie Man: but the damage has been done
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no shit, the damage has been done!!
Wingie Man: told you I was the bad guy
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i never said that, you just keep assuming things for yourself
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i didn't even know what to say to you on sunday thats why i didn't say anything
C u Next Tuesday LoL: if i could, i would go back and say i'm a fuckin moron
Wingie Man: I'm sorry
Wingie Man: I really wish you'd done that
C u Next Tuesday LoL: so do i, and i was going to, but you were just too pissed to even hear it, so i just left you alone, if you think in wasn't going to appoligize for it then you're dead wrong, i've felt so bad this whole time and i've wanted to say i'm sorry but i didn't know what your reaction was going to be
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i ws just gonna wait till you cooled off
Wingie Man: well, clearly i'm pretty fucking pissed
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no...really!!??
Wingie Man: at some point, you're going to have to take responsibility for your actions
Wingie Man: and that doesn't mean when it's easy or convenient for you
Wingie Man: to me, that's immaturity
Wingie Man: and not the type of person i'm looking for
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no kidding it immature, but i did say sorry to you on sunday
C u Next Tuesday LoL: and in all honesty, doing shit like that isnt me, i clearly wasn't thinking, i don't know how many times i can say this
Wingie Man: fine
Wingie Man: whatever's clever man
Wingie Man: we're not getting anywhere anyway
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no, its really not fine
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i can't have it be like this
C u Next Tuesday LoL: you think that this is something that i think is perfectly fine
C u Next Tuesday LoL: and its not and i know that
Wingie Man: i said fine
Wingie Man: if you re-read the beginning of the conversation my main goal here is to ensure things aren't weird at work
Wingie Man: neither of us can afford that
C u Next Tuesday LoL: well i'm glad this is about what you want
Wingie Man: should it be about what you want?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: you've made it like this to a certain degree
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no it shouldn't be about what i want
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i'm just saying
Wingie Man: saying what?
Wingie Man: i have a right to make things to whatever fucking degree i see fit
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i understand we can't have things be like this at work
Wingie Man: thank you
C u Next Tuesday LoL: but i can't have things be like this with you either
Wingie Man: how would you like things to be?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: as selfish, and immature and whatever else you want to call it, i want to forget it happened, which is much much easier for me to say than for you but theres nothing i can do about that, i don't want to not hang out with you anymore because of this stupid case of bad judgement, bad planning, and fuckin god hating me, i know i'm a moron for it, i know i fucked up, i know it was completely immature and not fair to you and i never had any intentions of it happening, and i did appologize that day for it which doesn't make it any better but i did
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i feel horrible for the whole thing justin, i really do
C u Next Tuesday LoL: and it was ridiculously immature on my part
C u Next Tuesday LoL: but, we all make mistakes, and i'm sure you've made a few of your own that you would want to take back
Wingie Man: oh god
Wingie Man: i said fine
Wingie Man: supposedly we're "forgetting about it" now
C u Next Tuesday LoL: if you want i'll just give you back the friggin sex and four hours that i owe you
C u Next Tuesday LoL: THERES NOTHING I CAN DO JUSTIN
Wingie Man: i thought we were forgetting about it
Wingie Man: actually can I give you one other side note and then we'll forget about it?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: fine
Wingie Man: i was talking to a female friend of mine who doesn't know you or our situation
Wingie Man: so don't go bugging out and worrying with paranoia
Wingie Man: anyway
Wingie Man: when i told her, she totally agreed with me, which she hates to do but also added the following...
Wingie Man: she didn't understand why nothing happened just because we couldn't have actual intercourse
Wingie Man: to which i had no answer, except to feel like you probably didn't give a shit enough
C u Next Tuesday LoL: what are you talking about, you were the one who said you were done, did you not?
Wingie Man: oh come on, a long time had passed before then
C u Next Tuesday LoL: no it didn't
C u Next Tuesday LoL: ok, so i owe you a blow job too, add it to the friggin tab i have running
Wingie Man: as a matter of fact, at one point towards the end of that marathon makeout session i went to pull out my own dick since you certainly weren't making any moves
Wingie Man: and you told me not to since we can't "do anything"
Wingie Man: your words
Wingie Man: and a true story
C u Next Tuesday LoL: well thats not what i thought you were going for
Wingie Man: uh huh
C u Next Tuesday LoL: seriously
Wingie Man: look, no need to add blowjob to the list, nor is there any need for a list at all
Wingie Man: it's over and done with
Wingie Man: like you said
C u Next Tuesday LoL: whats over and done with
Wingie Man: this conversation for sure
Wingie Man: i need to be at work at 8 tomorrow
C u Next Tuesday LoL: so you're just going to leave it open ended like this
Wingie Man: sorry I don't have allthe answers elizabeth
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i don't expect you too
Wingie Man: also, I don't owe you anything right now
C u Next Tuesday LoL: honestly, i don't know what to say to you
Wingie Man: don't say anything
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i really don't want it to be this way justin
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i just wanted to give you some time to cool down but obviously that blew up in my face too
Wingie Man: oh well
Wingie Man: chalk it up to a lesson learned
Wingie Man: we all don't always get what we want
Wingie Man: trust me, I know
C u Next Tuesday LoL: thanks justin, i appreciate that
Wingie Man: very welcome
C u Next Tuesday LoL: so now you don't even want to hang out again
Wingie Man: look I don't know
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i meant ever
Wingie Man: I said I didn't have answers
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i know
Wingie Man: consider yourself forgiven as far as all this bullshit goes
Wingie Man: but I honestly don't know if i want to see you anymore
C u Next Tuesday LoL: well i guess then i'm not forgiven and people can't make mistakes
C u Next Tuesday LoL: this conversation didn't do shit justin
Wingie Man: oh no, don't threaten me with being bitchy at work
Wingie Man: anything but that
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i'm not threatening you at all justin
Wingie Man: are you going to be bitchy at work?
C u Next Tuesday LoL: of course i'm not going to be bitchy at work, i'm just really friggin disappointed
Wingie Man: well good, so this conversation did do shit elizabeth
Wingie Man: point proven
C u Next Tuesday LoL: i was never a bitch to you at work justin, if anyone was a bitch it was you, with very good reason, but it was still you
Wingie Man: that's fine
Wingie Man: look, obviously this isn't the last time you and will be talking
Wingie Man: so there's no need to wrap this up in a nice neat package
C u Next Tuesday LoL: ha, you're right
Wingie Man: I'm sorry you're disappointed but this is how it's going to have to be for now
Wingie Man: so goodnight, and I will see you at work in eight hours
C u Next Tuesday LoL: yup, night