Friday Bad Ideas: Open-Toed Shoes

UGH!!! I love how women think they're being all cutesy wearing this shit. Newsflash: you are not cute. Your feet are fucking disgusting. Do you know what type of people have foot fetishes? Degenerates and sexual deviants. Is that really the caliber of man you want to attract with your choice of footwear? I wouldn't.

Then there's the bullshit argument women make that they dress for themselves, not us men. Save it. I'm not buying what you're selling. Here is the pecking order for how women base their fashion decisions:

1. To rope in a decent man for marriage
2. To impress and ultimately out-do other women in the never ending battle to achieve Objective #1
3. To make themselves happy

Notice how the person making the decision to wear these atrocities is last in the pecking order? It's simple human psychology. Women place status above their own true happiness. Therefore, the argument mentioned above is not true.

And don't get me started on men wearing sandals. Hippies and jocks, the lot of them. Hey asshole, throw away those Birkenstocks. Nobody wants to see your feet. If I can hardly stand to look at women's feet, imagine how this makes me feel. Guys often make the argument that their feet get too hot in warmer weather so they need to wear flip flops. This is an interesting window into men's psyches, attempting to use utility as an excuse. Nice try, fellas, but I'm still not buying it. No one's feet get that hot that open-toed shoes become utility. Quit yer bellyachin' and put on some fucking sneakers.

A cursory Google search on today's topic led me to this. At surface level I imagine this is amusing to those who are pro-sandal. To me though, it is horrifying. If one needs all these rules and regulations for doing something as unnecessary as sporting sandals, perhaps it's time to scrap the idea entirely. The whole thing makes no sense! Damn I hate you people. If I have a daughter (god forbid), you can bet your ass Yum Yum Gumdrop Vermin will not be allowed to wear open-toed shoes under any circumstances. I'd rather chop off her feet Kunta Kinte style. In fact, I'd like to pass a universal mandate banning these evil things now and forever. The punishment for breaking this law is foot amputation. There would be catty, jealous women chasing men around on stumps all over the place...Sigh, the future sure is bleak. Thanks for nothing, sandals.