Monday Morning Asshole

Boy, were there a lot of candidates for this week's installment of Monday Morning Asshole! James Dolan was a strong possibility, though I should probably devote a separate post to the agony that is being a Knicks fan. Then there was the asshole who got me and my friends forcibly removed from the bar Saturday night. But in fairness, I did ask his girlfriend why she would date such a douche bag. You know how jocks get when they're drunk... Anyway, I found my asshole of the week at the movies of all places.

I went to the theater by myself for the first time yesterday. I'm selling my home and needed to be out for awhile as potential buyers surveyed the place. So I drive down to the theater without bothering to look at movie times. Turns out the only thing I could see without having to wait an hour or more was Shutter. I bought my ticket without even knowing what it was about or who was in it. The movie starred Joshua Jackson, of Dawson's Creek fame, and ended up being pretty crappy (I know, the second half of that sentence repeated the first).

Because it was early, the theater was empty. I was literally the only one in there for about twenty minutes. The previews began and I was all excited I might actually be completely alone in a movie theater. Alas, it was not meant to be as this guy (henceforth referred to as "Asshole") and his son came in. Alright, no big deal I thought. But wouldn't you know it? Asshole and his son sat directly behind me. The theater is completely empty. There are probably a few hundred seats available and this fucking toolbox reaches the conclusion it would be a good idea to sit within two feet of the only other living being in the room. I. Was. Furious. And to make matters worse, they talked throughout the whole movie!

Those of you who know me are well aware of my hatred for those refusing to adhere to basic social mores. Asshole, you broke two of the cardinal rules! You don't talk in movie theaters, and you DEFINITELY don't go anywhere near another person in an empty theater, bus, train, restroom, etc. I really wanted to say something, but there were factors at play preventing me from doing so, not least of which was that I was rather hungover and Asshole was rather large. So I sat there for 90 minutes listening to the inane meanderings of an imbecile and his child. Why didn't I get up and move, you ask? Fuck that. I strategically chose the seat I was in because I judged it to be optimal for my viewing experience. Furthermore, I should not have to be the one to turn my fucking life upside down for these goddamn people. They fucked up, let them make the change. An hour and a half of Joshua Jackson, a poorly written horror movie (sans boobies, no less), an invasion of my personal space, and an assault of my aural senses...fucking frustrating. Congratulations Asshole, you are an asshole!